JNMOM is trying to show up to LO birthday party

  1. I disagree with a lot of the comments I'm seeing. I say tell her, in writing, not to come and tell her if she comes, she will be removed. At least there's a shot she won't show up. This could become a police/legal situation and having documentation may become useful.

  2. Just have a few select people looking out for her and barring her entrance if she tries to get in. if it's in your backyard make sure again people are posted or keeping an eye on the front door and the back yard and everything so she can't sneak in.

  3. If you're in a smaller town - consider calling the sheriff's office and get on the record about the possibility of an uninvited guest trying to force their way into a private event. They may have some advice, and I'd ask them about a trespass order, or a cease and desist letter from an attorney.

  4. Wow. Security for a childs b-day party - that's intense.s/ No, you just do what you need to do. Text your mother, remind her she is not invited and to not show up, and if she does, she will be escorted from the premises. That way you have it in writing. Screenshot it if necessary. Your mother will not give up, so start collecting evidence because Im sure this is going to escalate.

  5. DO NOT BREAK NC. She’s literally trying everything she can to get your attention so you will break NC. Don’t fall for trap. Tell anyone who mentions her that she will have the police called on her if she shows up and don’t make it a joke- let them know the gravity so they can report back to your NC mom if they choose to talk to her.

  6. Are their other invitees who know her? If so, it might be better to contact all of them and say you don’t wish to involve them but because she may try to involve them you want them to know your mom is not welcome at the party and if she contacts them, they should not share information with her.

  7. Waiting and seeing is asking for unnecessary drama. You will definitely get some comments saying to wait and see because they love the drama it’ll bring you but don’t do that to yourself.

  8. Normally when you are NC with someone you don't reach out but I think this is a unique circumstance where reaching out might be best for everyone. "Mom, you know that you are no longer welcomed in our lives. If you show up to LO's party, we have people ready to block you from entering/removing you. If you wish to embarrass yourself, that is on you."

  9. If you send her a preemptive text, you are breaking NC and she's gotten the response she wants. You could have your sis remind her she isn't invited but that probably won't make any difference if JNMom intends to crash the party. You have ppl ready to throw her out if she shows up, so let them handle it if it comes to this.

  10. Don't break no contact. Let other people know your plan if she shows up and it'll most likely get back to her. Stay strong in the no contact and don't break it for anything.

  11. Do nothing at all. You’re NC even going through your sister will set a precedent for her to slowly worm her way back in. Keep the doors and gates locked and if she shows up call the police to have here formally trespassed. That way there can be no misunderstandings and it will be documented with PD that she’s not welcome at your home. It might even make getting a restraining order more simple

  12. If you break "no contact" for this she will know how to trigger you. You can tell sis your plan is to have her physically removed. If she wants to share the plan with mom, that's up to her.

  13. Tell your sister let your mother know that if she shows up she will be removed from the event before she comes up with inside.

  14. We considered this when we first went no contact but decided against it, the date is special and I’ve spent a lot of time prepping the property and activities for the kids where moving it would completely throw away our work And become a hustle

  15. Send sis a fake "change of date" new invite for the following day at chuck e cheese to accidentally leave out for mil to steal

  16. With sis’ agreement If sister is talking to her then send that message through her. “I told OP you were going to show up and she said that she will forcibly evict you from the party and has no problems embarrassing you in front of the guests if you do show up.”

  17. Well, I would not do so, I think that is not fair to sis to have her do this. Don't know what would be best, but not this.

  18. NC means no contact : do not break it to warn her. Let her know through your sister she's not invited and police will be called or you have people who will throw her out if she shows up but do not contact her directly.

  19. OP, let her show up and toss her butt, with the gift out the door. She can go quietly and you won’t need police but she will need to leave either way. If you informed her prior to NC then she already knows her presence is not wanted and I am positive she has been reminded as she tried getting her hands on the invite.breaking NC is breaking NC and you don’t want her to think it’s fluid to the situation.

  20. Plan A. Tell her you'll call the police & request a restraining order if she doesn't respect your boundaries. Tell her you've had 5 years NC before, you'll go ten years next time. She needs to be on her meds, working consistently, & in therapy for x time before she interacts in any way with LO again.

  21. Send the text and then block her number. Atleast then you have evidence that you TOLD her what would happen if she showed, so she can only blame herself for the humiliation she endures and can’t victimise herself.

  22. Honestly, I think if you break NC to send her a preemptive text, she will see that as a weakness, and keep trying to boundary stomp to make you keep sending those texts in hopes that she can get in a response jab of gaslighting until she wiggles back in again.

  23. She's delusional and won't accept reality when she knows what it is. You can't reason with her. Can you hire a lawyer for an hour to talk about how to go about getting a restraining order? They can send a cease and desist letter which is usually the first step in a restraining order. You can send one yourself, but having a lawyer do it makes it scarier and less exciting for her. If she comes, call the police and explain your mentally ill mother, who has been sent a C&D letter, is there and won't leave. I am so sorry.

  24. It’s my mom not his. And he does volunteer to deal with her. If she shows up him and my sister will handle her so I don’t have to. We have a plan in place, I just wasn’t sure if I should officially inform her of her not being invited and the consequences if she does

  25. My opinion is that you should text her and tell her to stay away - because then if she shows up you can prove you told her she wasn't welcome if you have to have her trespassed.

  26. No contact means no contact. If you reach out to her over this, she will learn that she can force contact simply by threatening to show up somewhere she is not wanted. That's not the precedent you want to set.

  27. That’s the plan, to not acknowledge her and have my DH and sis deal with her. it helps there will be several cops in attendance and they’ve been told and are ready to assist.

  28. Send the text. If she shows up, call the police. Show them the text and they will trespass her. Once she is trespassed, get a nc order.

  29. I would send a text clearly stating she is not welcome. That way, if/when you call the police or have to get any kind of law involved you have clear evidence that she was aware she was not welcome.

  30. "send a preemptive text and make it clear she is not invited and will be removed if she shows? Just remind her that we’re NC and is not invited?"

  31. I’m sure she’s causing you stress just hearing that she’s pulling this shit your sister told you about. Can you sister remind jnmom that she’s NOT INVITED and she heard that if jnm shows up she’ll be removed? Without letting on that you know about it?

  32. She shows, she gets escorted out. No need to say a word to her. You can tell your sister and she can tell her but be firm and do not break NC.

  33. I sent her a text and never responded to her response afterwards, I’ve avoided every attempt she’s made to communicate with me since so she’s fully aware

  34. I'm with the other redditors who have recommended OP do nothing but kick JNMOM out if she shows up. With that in mind, though, please have a plan in place for who's going to answer/open the door. It might be well to station a person (DH) at the door who's got the personality to literally not allow JNMom in the house/apartment,etc.

  35. Op, I wouldn’t contact her, I’d remain silent. She might be testing your resolve. She’s obviously testing y’all’s patience.

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