What is the most annoying thing about having a penis?

  1. The worst is the post sex split stream. Sometimes you get three or four just going off in whatever direction they like and then you gotta mop the bathroom floor.

  2. Wait is this like a legit thing? Like you're not joking? How and why does that happen? Also is it only when peeing or can also happen when you cum?

  3. You'd think it wouldn't be possible to miss the toilet bowl to the left and right simultaneously, but you'd think wrong.

  4. I straight up told my teacher "Now is not a good time." Without missing a beat he went to the next kid and had him solve the math problem on the chalkboard.

  5. I heard a Missouri school is bringing back spanking in high schools which seems bad on many levels, but I think a female classmate getting spanked in front of the class by the teacher is going to be all sorts of problematic.

  6. Maybe I was just oblivious as a teen but I don't remember ever seeing boys in my class with stiffies. Not saying they don't happen, I know they do, I'm just saying as a teenage girl I never noticed.

  7. No joke. Every 20 mins it's poppin up to see what's happening, which is the worst when you have an hour commute home from school on multiple modes of public transport thats full of people.

  8. Yes, when you’re exhausted and can’t wait to sleep, and finally get into bed. Then BAM! Full on boner and horny-ness. No sleep until something is done about it lol

  9. Funny story from a mate of mine. At the time he had 2 girls about 4 and 6 years old. One morning he was shaving and had the sometimes unavoidable morning wood. In comes the oldest, pees, washes her hands and hangs the towel on his dick.

  10. When the five year old comes into the bedroom in the morning "Mummy, cuddle", and you have to covertly put on some pants with raging wood. Mummy tanks the kid while you get your appendage under control.

  11. Earlier this week, at work, I had to adjust myself. Had been up and down a ladder all day installing light fixtures, hot and sweaty, so I decided to do the lunge to hopefully get things in the proper position. Well, the boys were stuck to my thigh quite nicely apparently and it felt like I gave myself a nice bikini wax. Had to stop and think about my life for a minute after that.

  12. I had an erection at a religious event with elder people and a girl one year older than me being there. Penis, you need to work on your timing mate

  13. Yea I have no idea how porn stars enjoy the girls sucking on their balls so hard like it's a titty. Gentle sucking and soft licks, please.

  14. Yeah the penis isn’t bad, it’s the balls that suck. I’ve always had super sensitive area down there so even a light ball tap from a joking buddy has me on the ground for a good 3-5 mins

  15. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. -Robin Williams

  16. Bingo! And once it wins an argument and gets you into trouble don't look for it for help... It'll be like 'you're on your own on this one bud, Imma go sleep now "

  17. I found that it's more effective to kinda just jack it a little until the piss is gone. Yeah it's fairly wierd, but my boxers don't have piss in them at least

  18. Push the gooch with your hand and the little left will come out. It's much more consistent then shaking, and doing the gooch then shake gets it all out. I just don't do it at a urinal.

  19. I used to think this was because I’m not circumcised but I sit there fucking shaking and shaking and there is still a drop.

  20. When it's hot and sweaty, and you can't rest it in a comfortable position. Especially if you're out in public and you can't shift its position easily.

  21. And your whole package is just plastered to your leg. And you can feel it getting tugged with every little movement but it feels like flypaper getting ripped off a wall

  22. Haha, as a woman I've had this happen with labia or ass crack, especially when I had super long hair myself. Cool to hear it can happen to penises too.

  23. Or when their hair decides to do some kind of ju jitsu pretzel on your taint, grabbing as many hairs has it can get a hold of so that when you discover that fucker and pull ‘em out he’s taking 20 of your friends with him.

  24. I wonder how many time women get random, minor arousal where their clit might get some extra blood for a second or they get a little wet but because they aren’t thinking about it or it’s not strong they don’t notice it. It’s really difficult to ignore an erection and unless you are covered or in very loose clothes, others might notice too.

  25. Yeah, that bitch always wants to hang out. I literally have to choke him to get the point across so he'll go away.

  26. You spend the better part of 40-50 years of your life basically having a devil on your shoulder(except it’s in your pants) constantly going. Hey are we ready to F yet, when do we get to F, bro I need to F, that was a good F…can we F again. Over and over forever. Love him and all but chill out bro.

  27. Me and my penis have a different conversation going on where I am the aggressor and he is the calm one, to calm..

  28. Eubie Blake was 93 when he was asked at what age the sex drive goes away. He said, “You'll have to ask somebody older than me.”

  29. At 40 I'm at that stage too. And apparently the myth of younger women liking older guys is true too. I've got young 20 something cuties being all flirty with me and the lil' guy doesn't know he's 40. It's gross and I'm having none of it, but I really don't need this sexual dissonance. I'm just trying to talk to this person like a human being, and be on my way, but NOOOOOOO.

  30. That weird thing where your penis comes out wrong and you end up pissing anywhere except where you were aiming.

  31. Sometimes I feel bad for porn guys who shoot bucketloads. Like, I’m sure it would be nice occasionally, but ain’t nobody got time for all that mess.

  32. “Sometimes I whip my weiner around in circles hoping to get it going fast enough to fly away like a helicopter”

  33. Getting caught in the zipper is never a fun thing doesn’t happen often but hurts like a mfer when it does.

  34. I had to go to the ER once because of that. I couldn't unzip it. My girlfriend actually laughed. She thought that it was funny. It was upsetting.

  35. It's just uncomfortable often times it sits just a little weird in your pants or get squeezed in a weird way or gets in an awkward position some days I almost wish I was a girl just for the purpose of not having to deal with all that dangly stuff down there.

  36. Labia, especially if it's peeking about if bit, can set squeezed a bit too, especially when riding a bike! So, we aren't guaranteed to be safe either 🤷🏻‍♀️

  37. Here in Norway you'd have to have the longest flaccid penis of all time for it to reach all the way down to the water, sounds more like a plumbing issue than a penis issue.

  38. Erections completely at random. At a gathering with your friends? Boner. Meeting a new coworker? Boner. Literally having existential crisis? You guessed it perfect time for a boner.

  39. The pee that drips out after you walk away from the toilet. I have stood there essentially choking the thing to death to prevent it from dripping, I’ve even marched in place to simulate me walking away for those last few drops…but it never works. It’ll still drip into my pants or down my leg.

  40. Need some help I get very nervous when I use a urinal I will take any advice on how to get over the fear I have no problem using the urinal if it's empty does anyone else struggle with this

  41. I used to be the same man, just chill and use the stall you a shy pisser nothing wrong with that. I'm in the army for almost half a year now and being in the army kinda robs you of your privacy, so I had to adapt and now I'm happy to say I can take a leak with two dudes assblasting in neighboring stalls. It's all in your head. I'm usually exhausted and fucking annoyed here so there's no space left in my head to overthink basic bodily functions lol can't recommend joining the army but try to reduce overthinking in general Also speed helps, but wouldn't recommend that either. Good luck dude!

  42. An acquaintance took me fishing on his boat once and I really had to pee so I stood at the end of the boat trying for like 2 mins and gave up😅🤦‍♂️ He didn’t say anything and it was awkward. Had to wait till we went on shore to fry some fish to go. Stage fright blows

  43. The dribble dick that happens when you're in a hurry, especially at an event, another person's house, or somewhere where you can't just put on a nice clear pair.

  44. The fact that all day, every day, any day It's screaming at me to stick it in a female regardless. Its like being born with an addiction. Like a crack baby but for vag.

  45. Well, this is not so much about the penis itself, but rather more about what goes with it, or rather what forms it in the first place: testosterone.

  46. My husband says there is a difference between mentally horny and dick horny. It's a very interesting thing. Like cuddles he may not be horny but his dick is hard and clearly wants attention but he does not. I sometimes ask if he's horny or if his dick is.

  47. Nothing tbh. Love my penis. Seeing my homegirls buy suppository’s, tampons, vagisil, douches and all that make me thankful.

  48. The fact that my dick literally always wants someone to be sucking on it but nobody ever is. It’s a real bummer.

  49. Dealing with the eye-rolling, facepalm -inducing, immature resposes of others upon seeing a random erection. Then, there are people who always believe in the misunderstanding that, every random erection equates to being sexually aroused.

  50. Being a larger than average dongaloid means that I can’t comfortably wear sweatpants in public because it prints too much. It’s frustrating because I like the look.

  51. Bending over the toilet at 45 degrees at 5 in the morning because you have morning wood and calculating the speed and velocity of piss in a pitch black room to make sure you don't buckshot the bathroom wall.

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