[Serious] What is a disturbing truth, every adult has to face eventually?

  1. This hits hard. 2019, my sister died unexpectedly after being diagnosed with cancer. From the time it was found to her death was a 3 week span. Then my last grand parent died a few weeks later. This year, i'll be as old as she ever was, and it really hurts in unexpected ways.

  2. Not my family member but a very good family friend suddenly passed away august last year. Genuinely shocked me to my core.

  3. My BIL died in a motorcycle accident yesterday. Tomorrow would be his 40th birthday. Buried my dad at 26 and thought i had a handle on grief but watching someone stamped out so early is devastating.

  4. Just had my first one of those this year. With previous family deaths, we had signs: old age, cancer, etc. but this one gave no warning. We're all hanging out at Christmas--laughing, hugging, eating together and two weeks later he passed away in his favorite chair. It still hurts and it has affected me in ways I didn't know it could.

  5. My dad unexpectedly died the day before my senior year of high school. No one saw it coming. My mom's half sister died in her sleep in lockdown. I had a friend randomly get murdered at a gas station. Probably others too that I'm missing. Unexpected deaths are truly wild.

  6. I never thought in a million years I would find my dad dead, especially since I didn't live in the same state as he did. Even if you had told me 1 week earlier that my trip to go visit him would end like that I wouldn't have believed it.

  7. My great aunt died last year. It was unexpected and tragic. She was a wonderful woman who deserved many more years. But life rarely gives us what we deserve.

  8. Life maintenance. You are gonna have to wash those dishes, Do your hair. All your hygiene and house cleaning. It never ends

  9. This one gets to me the most. I've always hated cleaning. When I was single it wasn't a big deal but I've got two kids and five pets and I have a meltdown at least once a month

  10. dad told me to buy the smallest house you need, I thought he was crazy but now that I understand how much rates, maintenance, cleaning and utilities depend on your house size the more I respect him.

  11. Hold on to your youth, take too many pictures, forgive quickly, tell your friends and family how much they mean to you, aim to make other peoples day.

  12. Yeah right what the heck But then again i think of all the happy people in my life that are somewhat older and i know that being older does not equal being unhappy.

  13. In a lot of ways, succeeding as an adult means constantly challenging yourself to be in situations that are really uncomfortable. This applies to work, school, social life, and even just the day to day life of getting shit done.

  14. Wow... so much truth in this one. Whenever you open a new door, the rest of the world doesn't move out of your way or even try to make it easier.

  15. When I was younger I kept thinking "I just have to make it" to the part of adulthood where you've beaten the whole Legend of Zelda game and you can mess around in a Hyrule where all the challenges are known and familiar. Killed me when I finally realized there is no such level. The bosses just get harder until you die.

  16. It’s weird to see this written down because I’ve never seen anyone think about that before. I used to think “my mum is so popular! She gets so many letters!”

  17. Death exists, power structures move at glacial pace, your body starts failing you sooner than you anticipate (even in tiny ways; that’s life).

  18. I'm 50, and I swear, keeping a youthful mentality and even feeling pretty much you know was not a problem until about 5 years ago and gee whiz. It almost so slowly I don't know where it went and I really don't remember feeling youthful LOL.

  19. I’m 25 and my memory, hearing, knees, wrists, back, shoulders, and ankles are going. Like, worse than my 60+ y/o parents

  20. This is hitting me hard, and I'm not even in the worst of it yet. Last year my dad took me skiing, something which he used to do a lot when I was a kid. He used to be an excellent skier. This time he could barely see the counters of the slope, wanted to stick to the bunny slope, and even then came close to seriously injuring himself multiple times. He put on a happy face, but we both tacitly understood that this was the last time he would ever go skiing. It's hard not to get sad at that realization.

  21. I gave up my life not realizing it...been taking care of my momma to keep her out of the Long term care (death) facilities for over a decade....just realized I'm 32..

  22. I have had many elderly friends and family throughout my life. I'm in my 40s now but I've known at least two or three close elderly friends or relatives as a child, a teen, in my 20s, my 30s and now in my 40s. Most of them are gone now but one thing that stuck with me was a lesson I learned from an old Irish Canadian woman I knew years ago.

  23. I think that's what the expression, "Pray for a good death" means. I can accept that I'm going to die and don't fear the final moment, but I'd much rather be 90 years old and shot to death mid-coitus by a jealous husband than wither away drooling and out of it in a nursing home.

  24. My sisters and I had started vaguely planning for what we would do as Mom and Dad got older, how to handle them getting more frail, etc.

  25. With the exception of your minor kids, all of your relationships are based on continuous mutual renewal, cancellation at any time for any reason. This includes your parents, your spouse / partner and your siblings.

  26. Answer: That unless you are very careful, your body will start to break down after 50 and there’s nothing you can do about it.

  27. You can be very careful and your body can still break down. Even before 50. I was half that age when multiple chronic illnesses sank their claws into me, and there was nothing I could do except accept my new shitty reality.

  28. You also will outgrow friends and that's ok. I'm nearing 50 and there are people who are no longer in my life simply because I'm not in that part of my life anymore. Nothing "happened" per se, it's just that you move in different directions. I find adult friendships tend to be much more fleeting, if you don't have some commonality holding you together (the office, an volunteer organization, an activity, etc.) the friendships tend to fade...

  29. Life is not fair. It will never be fair. You’re not guaranteed happiness and hard work doesn’t always pay off. You can do the absolute best you can and still not make it in this world. Such as life.

  30. Luck is an element to success. A lot of people work their ass off but are just not that lucky hence success/happiness seems hard to be achieved for them.

  31. For me it's seeing people work hard and make no money but they'll be the people who was there at the right time/place or with the right friend or family and gets a good job. My ex dealt with a professional bar 'manager' whos job was to come and fix places up. He did fuck all and got double the hourly wage of the manager who quit.

  32. Man, I have such fond memories of waking up on a Saturday when I was a little kid and deciding what was I going to do that day - would I watch cartoons all morning, go see what the neighbor kids were up to, go for a bike ride, read, something else?

  33. Lately I’ve been thinking about how fast my 20s is going by. I feel like I was only 16 yesterday or I’ll be 40 tomorrow lol

  34. I was told I was too old to wear a Spirited away shirt by a cashier the other day. I was really confused for a bit why they would say that. Then I realized I'm almost 30 now, not 22 and apparently my "quirky" style is becoming Weird now.

  35. Bad shit happens. And whatever individual demon you faced in your childhood, you will have to face when you grow up. Running away from it will end worse.

  36. Yea when they say "kids bounce back" or whatever the phrase is, I always think no kids are good at putting the trauma on a shelf to deal with later.

  37. And "facing your demons" isn't, ever, a done deal. Those critters never really disappear, you just learn to deal with them.

  38. I would say: at some point you're childhood trauma is no longer an excuse for your behavior. The world will hold you responsible for who you are eventually, so take charge of it while you can.

  39. Noone knows what they're doing, we're all guessing and trying to make everyone else think we know what we're doing, theres no guide to life that you're missing, we're all equally confused and scared about life and what the future holds, if you've ever wondered how someone was so successful. Either they are really lucky, or they had a very long running plan that had a few really lucky bits, but noone knows anything for a 100 percent certainty. Not even your boss, not even the people you look up to, theyre all just as lost as to how to navigate life, life is Chaotic and random and scary, noone knows what tomorrow holds. And noone knows if it's gonna be ok, the only thing we can do is hope we make it through to the other side without being in too bad of a condition.

  40. You never know what last thing you said or did with someone being the last moment you share with them.

  41. Hits home hard. The last time I saw my Stepdad I was angry at him and my Mother for once again (we talked about this numerous times) telling me they will show up to visit at x time and showing up multiple hours before. Rude. It is like clocks ceased to exist when they retired. Well, the rest of us still use them.

  42. I obsessed about money in my early 20s and worked as much overtime as I could, Took some Psychedelics and realized I was wasting my life away. Had a family and now I obsess over working as little as I can to provide and maximizing my time with my child.

  43. You will change and the people around you may not change in the same ways or at all and it can be devastating to have to renegotiate boundaries.

  44. Not everyone finds someone to marry, even if they’re totally normal, kind people. Not everyone gets to have a family, even if they want one very badly. Sometimes luck just isn’t on your side.

  45. I have an aunt like that When we were young she’d buy us books and come visit every two weeks. Now that I’m older I understand why she did that. No marriage no kids. I hope she was never bitter about it.( it messes me up a lot thinking about how lonely she must have been all these years and we were probably her source of joy )

  46. Everyone around you starts to die and one day you'll be sitting in the living room rocking chair of your great grandmother's house and find yourself waiting for your great grandfather to walk out of their bedroom and start up a conversation with you.

  47. One disturbing truth every adult has to face eventually is that life is not fair. No matter how hard you work or how good you are, there will always be people who are better off than you are. This can be frustrating and lead to feelings of envy and resentment.

  48. All those civil and human rights advances you read about in your history class required people to die for them, and keep fighting to keep them. And there have been people ever since those moments trying to undo them.

  49. The universe is neutral. You can do everything right and fail. You can be a royal screwup and succeed. Whatever happens to you, it’s only partially under your own control. That said, it’s also not an excuse to be an asshole to everyone around you and justify it with “life isn’t fair.” The world may not care if you succeed or fail, but it is a better place when people work together toward a just or empathetic cause.

  50. I think a shockingly large percentage of people regret becoming parents. But it’s a very ugly and politically incorrect conversation so no one talks about it.

  51. I think all parents regret it at times but don’t want to admit it so it festers, better to have that conversation or accept the feeling in the moment

  52. You're parents will undoubtedly die too early and it wont be till they're gone till you realize how much you should have spent more time with them and how you wish you could go back a few years and do all the little things you were too busy to do.

  53. Mum's just been told a few days ago that she has cerebral amyloid angiopathy. I don't think anyone's ever died from that but it's still the kind of thing that makes you acutely aware of people's mortality.

  54. You will get older and deal with pain. Also we're meant to break down and die. And acknowledging that and letting people plan their exit from this existence is going to help solve a lot of problems in our society.

  55. So this is something I see on reddit a lot. I assume it is written by young people. While certainly a small fraction of people will plan their exit, that number will be very small. So for the young on reddit, the older you get, and the closer you get to that day of days when you die, you may change your view on how you wish to exit. Very easy when young to say "I'll do assisted suicide" when that decision is decades away. When death is staring you right in the face, it is not so easy. And the vast majority by far are not looking for that easy way out when they get there, quite the opposite, they fight for every day of life no matter the quality of that life. One redditor talked about elderly in assisted living like they were forced there by lack of assisted suicide. Just astonishing to read such nonsense. Having just put my mom in one of those facilities and meeting the others there, non of them are complaining they can't take the easy out. Just the opposite, they are looking at next steps if this or that happens to incapacitate which means going into a nursing home. Yeah nursing homes suck, but they are alive and that what matters to them, and to my mom too. Honestly when I was young I thought I would just off myself when the time was right, say terminally ill or something. Now that I am older and look at that the thought is would I really find the inner strength to do that? To overcome that desire to survive which is very very very strong. That said there is a small fraction of people that will indeed do that and I think it should be available to them. But reddit should talk to some elderly people sometimes, they might learn what most people really think about it. Assisted suicide would change little on how 98% of the people exit this world.

  56. You are not as important as you believe to be. These people will move on without you and the world won’t stop or even notice.

  57. I was going to say this, perhaps a bit differently, but pretty much this idea. The world and the vast majority of the people in it do not care about you and would be totally unaffected if you simply vanished.

  58. It just needs to be long after I’m gone and they have long and (hopefully) fulfilling lives.

  59. You know how you were bullied in middle school and wanted to kill yourself because it was so bad? Well, there's bullies everywhere. Even in adulthood. They could be at your work or just random online trolls you've never met.

  60. Hard work rarely pays off, so don’t spend your life trying to please bosses or do all this work because unless your kissing their asses, and they know it, they don’t care and you’ll be stuck doing that for as long as you work there.

  61. The vast majority of species to have ever existed have gone extinct. Humans are probably not an exception. The vast majority of societies to have existed are no longer around. Many collapse. Yours probably isn’t an exception. It’s all a matter of when. If you’re still alive and in a modern society that hasn’t collapsed and you have reasonable comforts, enjoy it while you can. There is no law of the universe saying it will be the case in even the near future.

  62. That your time on Earth goes by more quickly than you think it will, that youth is exceptionally fleeting, and that most people seem to live unhappy, hard lives.

  63. At the end of it all, only you can get you up in the morning everyday, take that next step. Your family and friends are support. But no one can save you in the end.

  64. Going through a divorce, many reasons…..he thinks I am divorcing him bc of his chronic depression, I said no not at all you chose to do nothing to help yourself for the last 20 years and expected me to cure you. He doesn’t understand he has to do it himself

  65. You are not going to get or do all the things you wanted to get or do, so you have to choose a subset or not get any of them because you go round and round saying next year next year, but it's never going to happen if you don't sacrifice something else to get it. In other words opportunity cost.

  66. Creeping, silent, impending mortality easing up closer behind you every second. As I fall asleep at night and feel my heartbeat slow and my muscles relax, I welcome the little death and pray his final act will be so gentle.

  67. People are always going to act in their interests, and that may not vibe with the person you’ve made them to be in your mind.

  68. You will, at some point, lose interest in the things you loved when you were younger. I grew up playing video games from when the NES was established and the SNES was brand new. I was obsessed with them. Have every Nintendo console and many others I've acquired over the years, and played them all religiously up until I was about 25.

  69. That you are on your own. Everyone’s love and or concern for you is conditional. Ultimately it’s just you, alone, with the choices you make.

  70. You missed the chance to be someone special. Obviously this doesn’t apply to those who still have the drive to achieve what they want, and those who actually did make it big in their youth. But for a lot of people, you just realise that even if your dream is still achievable, you’re not motivated enough or competitive enough to make yourself go and get it. But honestly, I don’t want to put too negative a spin on it. Getting out of bed is still an achievement, let alone continuing to survive as a regular person.

  71. My family history has prepared me for that. Lost two close relatives to cancer and my doctor suggested that I undergo genetic screening due to my age. Fuck cancer!

  72. That is what dying of old age is. It is a stupid phrase that means “this person is so old we didn’t bother figuring out what killed them”

  73. Most people are low-information and will hold positions based on nothing other than their own ego. They will not grow out of it.

  74. It is very rare that problems go away. You learn to deal with them and the situation, and that's just about when life graduates you to the next level by adding a new ball for you to juggle.

  75. Your parents are only human. There’s a 50% chance they’re dumber than average. The ideas and religion they taught you could be very wrong. I was rock-solid in my faith at 17 but am hanging on by a thread at 19. If it happened to me, it can happen to you. I already flipped to the opposite side of the political spectrum from my parents, and I definitely will wind up with a few religious disagreements (after all, my parents are creationists, and I’m a physics major).

  76. There is no security. There are levels of illusion of security, but ultimately you could die from an aneurysm locked in a safe room or we could all just suddenly go in a wave of gamma sent from a Blazar.

  77. "Youth is wasted on the young" is something I heard growing up that I never really appreciated until I got older. I spend so much of my young life worrying and stressing about things that seemed so important in the moment that mean less than dirt to me now. Do your best with the time you have. Live for you.

  78. Nobody is coming to rescue you. You are solely responsible all for the choices you make in life regardless of the outcome. Most people only care about you for as long as the need you. Sex is not love. Ladies just because you are in his bed on a regular basis doesn't mean that he's in love with ypu. The people who you love the most will hurt you the most. Betrayal never comes from strangers. The HR department on your job is not there to protect you. They are there to protect the company. America is the worst when it comes to healthcare, childcare and benefits for its emoyees. In France they get 30 paid holidays, six months paid maternity leave and an average of six weeks of paid vacation. Many companies in Europe have unlimited paid vacation days, universal health care, doctors that still make housecalls, and if you get sick i.e. cancer, needs and operation...you get unlimited, paid medical leave and your full paid salary. America's unchecked corporate greed and the way they treat their workers is shaneful.

  79. Being negative and cynical doesn’t make you seem smart or sophisticated, it makes you seem like a drag to be around who wants a bunch of excuses not to try in life.

  80. Life can be all work no play as we get older. If im not at work im home working.. taking care of my family. Doing chores... fixing/ mataining stuff. Its quite tiring and stressful ..but its Life.

  81. the person you are, the morality you posses, the hobbies you enjoy, are more a reflection of the environment you grew up in rather than your personal choice... the difference between a police officer and a criminal, is simply the result of a series of environmental brushstrokes on the human canvas... what this implies, is that given the right circumstances and influences, you too could have become the thing you hate the most... if you are not already...

  82. Friend making is hard and once you find some, you have to figure out whether they're someone who also considers you a friend, or just someone they hangout with when they're bored and there's no one else.

  83. Remember those bad dreams you've had about your teeth falling out? It will most likely happen no matter how well you take care of them. There is a statistic that 25% of seniors over the age of 65 have lost all of their teeth. However it can happen at any age if you don't have a good regimen of oral care. Brush your teeth.

  84. Unless something horrible happens to you, you’ll have to attend your parents funeral and probably arrange everything too. It scares the life out of me!

  85. Sometimes bad shit just happens and all you can do is weather the storm and hope you come out alright on the other side of it; sometimes you will. Others you won't.

  86. It is almost impossible to find any adult that does not carry trauma. Everyone you know has lived something. That asshole with money from daddy and mommy probably was cared for by strangers and his parents only gave him money because he required attention they didn't want to give him, so he turned out the way he did. Nobody is immune to pain and trauma. Everyone is in pain in some way.

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