AITA for getting annoyed at my ex because he wouldn’t give our toddler some of his spicy food?

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  1. YTA for a few reasons. 1. It wasn't your food and therefore not your place to determine what is done with it. 2. Not respecting your ex's right to say no and his boundaries as a parent. 3. Being rude, sarcastic, and insulting because you didn't get your way. If you want to give your kid spicy food then get it yourself.

  2. She acted like a toddler to get what a toddler wants and doesn't see the irony in it? All she needed to do was cry and it's almost the exact thing her son was doing.

  3. 7. You’re not obligated to give your child every bit of you. Whether that be your last nerve, your soul or food YOU DONT WANT TO SHARE. And I say this as a parent with three children. It’s exhausting when you feel like you have to give up something that is yours. There was other food at the reception. This is dads, this is yours. That’s that. Black and white. So many kids run the show these days. Doesn’t work that way and two is more than old enough to learn that lesson.

  4. You nailed it. kid NEEDS TO LEARN no means no. From anyone even your parents. No means fucking no. Very important lesson for any kids to learn early on. You can ask but you should also learn to gracefully receive a no. She's creating a monster.

  5. YTA for the whole "being greedy" thing, way to twist it yeah, he clearly communicated to you that he was concerned it was too spicy for the kid, yet you managed to tear him down saying he was greedy cause you didn't get your way.

  6. That and giving into her kids tantrum. It's better to teach kids to understand why a d when they can't have what they want then to cater to them and never be able to say no.

  7. I'm going to give OP the benefit of the doubt that she had a different meal then ex and it wasn't buffet style. So she couldn't give kid some of the food he wanted.

  8. YTA the father wasn’t comfortable with it, if you are hellbent on doing it go get the food yourself. Other wise CO-PARENT and respect his wishes on the matter. If he was denying him food in general it would be different, he was just caring which can’t be said for a lot of bio fathers.

  9. I think OP wanted her ex-husband to give the kid some of his food so that if the baby had a bad reaction to it, she could lay the blame on him but if she gave the baby some of the food, the blame would be on her.

  10. Exactly. There are times when kids need to be told no. That's just a reality. The dad decided the food was too spicy for his child and could hurt him if he ate it. That's reasonable. Giving in just because he started to cry will only teach the kid that if they act a fool in public, they can get whatever they want. That's not great parenting.

  11. You should always give your kid everything he wants at the time he wants it. Setting boundaries is for losers! Always give in, especially if he cries, toddlers definitely don't learn behavior by mimicing so I wonder where they picked up emotional manipulation already. I have a few guesses. YTA

  12. You're absolutely right except for the emotional manipulation part. They don't have the capacity for that yet. They're crying because they can't regulate their own emotions so there's no way they could understand someone else's emotions to try and manipulate them.

  13. This is such a weird comment, toddlers will cry because they’ve broken their toast. I see no emotional manipulation from any person involved here

  14. And also openly bickering and trying to get the other parent to give in to the child’s demands is the best way to ensure the child never throws a tantrum. There’s no way the kid will learn to play the two parents off against each other.

  15. Soft YTA. It doesn’t sound like your ex was being greedy, it sounds like he legitimately believed he shouldn’t be having spicy food the same way you believed he should. Him not wanting to give spicy food and also potentially kicking off a tantrum (because too spicy) is the exact same as you also not wanting spicy food. You then got snippy when you two were acting exactly the same.

  16. This is what I was thinking, too. Spicy isn't a general definition. There are so many different types of spicy and levels, of course. We all know how a toddler is going to react to something being too spicy as well, and ex may have wanted to prevent that situation.

  17. I’m a bit confused about why is it soft YTA though? She’s teaching their child to ignore other people’s boundaries and not respecting their “no” to them

  18. YTA. Your ex, who was actually eating the food, said no he thought it was too hot. Without tasting it you somehow decided it would be fine & then didnt like him not doing as hes told.

  19. Also, is OP under the impression that a 2 YEAR OLD calls the shots for what it does and doesn’t eat??? OP is a lazy parent and needs to teach this child who makes these decisions young. OPs ex seems to understand this already. OP, YTA.

  20. YTA. Why don’t you teach your kid the meaning of no? Why didn’t you give him your food? Teaching him to be greedy. Raising a brat.

  21. YTA. It wasn’t your food to give away as you see fit. You aren’t entitled to other people’s food. Also, if your strategy for avoiding tantrums is giving in whenever your kid wants something, you’re creating a huge problem for yourself and everyone else that will have to deal with your spoiled brat of a child. Seriously please take parenting classes and learn strategies for dealing with toddlers because this isn’t it.

  22. That's what I'm thinking, kid was working himself up because mum kept saying yes and dad was saying no. If they both kept it consistent, they could have potentialy avoided the tantrum completely

  23. YTA If you teach your kids early on that they can’t have everything they want, you avoid the meltdowns when they do not get what they want. Also you two have different parenting styles. You have to accept that he’s not always going to do what you want him to do, just as you are not always going to do things his way. Learn to compromise instead of the petty bickering or life will be miserable for all three of you.

  24. My family is Jamaican and we grew up on spicy foods (curry, jerk, scotch bonnet, etc.). My children also enjoy it. I introduced these things to them gradually when they were young by increasing the spice over time, so I get that your 2 year old may like spice. Here's where you messed up.

  25. This is the most fair and level headed response I've seen in this thread yet. All the other YTAs saying it's about the spicy food are missing the point.

  26. 100% agree with this. There's also the fact that a child needs to understand what no means because before you know it you'll not be able to say no without him having a tantrum and those demands will get bigger and more expensive as he gets older and it'll be harder to discipline him too.

  27. YTA. Sometimes you don't get something just because you want it. Might be time to start teaching your child that concept. You wanted to avoid a meltdown so instead you had the people around you watch you and your ex be petty, passive aggressive assholes to each other. That was certainly more annoying than a toddler crying for a few minutes. Grow up.

  28. YTA for publicly fighting with your ex in front of the son. You should model no means no - an important lesson for your son to learn. Your son should also learn he can’t always get what he wants exactly when he wants to (but he might have just been crying because his parents were fighting).

  29. YTA Your ex said no, so the answers no. Your kid has to learn that throwing a tantrum isn’t gonna get them want they want.

  30. You were both there, weren't you? What was preventing you from getting up and giving him some spicy food yourself?

  31. If Dad says no, it's on Dad to deal with. Actions have consequences. Not OPs job to redirect, it's the parent saying no who skittles come up with the alternative.

  32. You’ve received your judgement - thousands of people think you’re in the wrong. I assume you’re going to apologise to your ex for your childish behaviour?

  33. So confused. Why only the dad has spicy food? If it's not your food, then just distract your child. His father is making a judgment call. You don't get to be the only one who does that. If he was eating the food, he'd know if his kid could handle it. Sounds like you wanted to start a fight with him - either he was denying your kid food, or gave him spicy food and made him cry.

  34. YTA. You were trying to pick a fight. There are lots of other ways to placate/distract a toddler but you had missile-lock on bending your ex to your will.

  35. YTA. When it comes to tiebreaking a difference of opinion on how spicy a food is, just lean in favor of the person actually currently eating the food.

  36. YTA - like a few have said, a no is a no. Do you really want to raise a child who has a temper tantrum when you tell him no or nags you to death?

  37. YTA. Your ex had a legitimate concern and you dismissed it. Doesn't seem like he was being "greedy". If you're worried about your son having a meltdown, you couldve taken him outside. Or better yet, use this opportunity to teach him now to accept "no" as an answer.

  38. YTA. So instead of teaching your son he doesn't always get his way, you yelled at someone for not giving him his way. Boy is he going to be fun as he ages.

  39. YTA. Babies cry when they want something, it's okay to say no. I understand it's a wedding and parents do their best to keep their babies quiet but it happens. Worst case you leave the room for a few minutes. The father said it was too spicy. Your baby would definitely cry then. Safety first, ask questions later.

  40. YTA. It's his food and his child too. If he's uncomfortable with giving his child that you should respect that. You should be thankful your ex is still sticking around and is a caring father towards this kid. A lot of guys would just leave you as a single mom.

  41. Oh I get it, OP is one of those parents that tries to “appease” their kid by giving them anything they want in public so the kid doesn’t throw a tantrum. This won’t go well in the future.

  42. Soft YTA. No means no. You need to learn this and so does your son. You could have given your son some of your food or gotten up to go get him spicy food yourself. Or planned ahead and brought snacks/food to occupy your 2yo. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to placate your toddler’s tantrum. And you shouldn’t give in just because he cries and escalates.

  43. Yta, just because it’s not your food to give or force others to give. It doesn’t matter if your kid can handle spicy food, which varies I’m sure you know? If you don’t tell your kids no now you’ll both end up like that

  44. The kid likely cried because he wasn’t getting what he wanted because you know that’s what a lot of toddlers do. It’s apart of being a toddler.

  45. Why shouldn’t a two year old have spicy food? It does none of those things unless the kid had an allergy. There is no logical reason for it. You are wildly incorrect

  46. Btw everyone who is saying 2 year olds shouldn’t have spicy food are forgetting about all the toddlers who live, you know, in other countries where spicy food is part of the culture? It’s a pretty western-centric POV to say that.

  47. YTA. No means no, and he’s at the age where you should be teaching him that. Stop spoiling your kid and respect boundaries. His dad is in the right here.

  48. It sounds like you guys are exes for a reason and it’s probably better to parent solo. These types of conflicts aren’t really about spicy food.

  49. YTA. Because you’d rather pick a fight with your ex over this than get up and get your kid some of whatever he wanted. Also who cares if your kid is close to tears over being told no? He needs to learn that crying isn’t a strategy for getting what you want as well as you can’t always get what you want, and you need to start instilling that now.

  50. Yta- This is a petty argument to have, let alone at a wedding. I honestly don’t understand why people get into frivolous arguments with their exes. When I break up with someone, the whole entire point of the break-up is not arguing with that person anymore.

  51. I can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this! Not eating spicy food isn’t a boundary for this child. He gets to eat it normally, she’s not raising a brat, he was expressing his preference. I bet dad will let him eat off his plate normally. Considering mom had to take care of the meltdown I assume she has more responsibility over the child. Not to mention mom gets shot dirty looks for a toddler meltdown. He was trying to hold a boundary with his ex that was culturally biased, he wasn’t trying to tell the toddler no.

  52. Finally. To be honest some of the other comments are borderline misogynistic acting like it’s just on op to handle her child when the other parent is at the table. Also almost every comment made by op is being down voted even the one where she responded to someone saying “I can see why he left you” to inform them that the ex was making abusive (she didn’t call them abusive but frankly they are) statements like how he owns her and is refusing to let the divorce process happen. It seems like they just want to dog pile on her at this point.

  53. I just feel like there are times to teach kids lessons, but someone’s wedding isn’t the place. So yes, he needs to know the meaning of no. But he was having a meltdown at someone’s wedding so he should’ve just given him the food. ESH.

  54. Yta. You don't get to tell someone else what to do. If you want to appease the kid, go get him his own. You don't get to bully people into doing what you want.

  55. YTA… you need to take some parenting classes because you’re teaching your son that he can get anything he wants if he throws a tantrum and thats not the right way to parent a child.

  56. NTA. Cultures around the world, for centuries, have been feeding they’re children what they eat. Modern, western civilization is the only culture in time to make separate meals for children. It’s preposterous. Children will eat & become accustomed to what they are fed at an early age. Ex is totally totally AH!

  57. It blows my mind the amount of parents that can’t get their kids to eat well, and give them buttered noodles at their demand

  58. Thank you! I’m in agreement, and can’t believe all these YTA. I honestly think ESH, I think her commentary at the end was unnecessary, but toddlers are going to have meltdowns, I’m sure she teaches her child ‘no’ but not everything in parenting is not so cut and dry. Also not everything should fall on the mom.

  59. YTA for demanding another adult (yes, even the other parent) share their meal. Presumably the child had their own plate or you'd brought food, so they didn't need the meal. You don't get to make the decision to share for anyone but yourself. If your child is not mature enough to understand boundaries in a public setting, you should have left them at home.

  60. Your son was mostly likely crying because you were making it worse by arguing about it. If you had had your husbands back and gently distracted your son with something else he probably would have been fine. Even if I didn’t agree with a decision my husband made I would never shame him to the kids or overturn his decision and he never did when I made a decision either. The kids were much less likely to have fits when we were united.

  61. INFO: You mentioned you’re Pakistani and regularly give your son seasoned food. Is your ex from a culture that feeds tiny children porridge and chicken nuggets?

  62. Jeez people, I think whole swathes of children being brought up in South Asia, Africa and South America might disagree with ‘he’s too young for spicy food’.

  63. Im Pakistani and we eat spicy food (asian level spicy, not white level spicy) from age 1. We all grow up to be fine. My kid started eating full spicy food at around 14 months

  64. Op commented that her ex is Italian and the food he choose was Thai fried something. Both were invited separately because it was the ex sister's wedding but they say together because of seating arrangement. Op didn't know they would serve spicy food and this is why she is upset the ex didn't give into her demand

  65. YTA. It sounds like you threw as big of a tantrum as your kid and that’s a bad way to parent. His dad made a judgement call, not your business to insist he share his spicy food.

  66. NTA, so many comments judging for giving spicy food.. you know your kid and millions of young children the world over eat spicy food. You were in a public setting trying to prevent your kid having a melt down even if he’d tried the tiniest bit and hated it no harm no fowl. Many times in life for a teaching moment, this doesn’t sound like one of them.

  67. big agree, also seems like most of the people in these comments have never been to a wedding that wasn’t thrown by white americans lmao

  68. Agreed! It would have been no effort for the dad to give the kid a bite of the spicy food to try, but instead he absolutely refused to, resulting in a crying kid that is apparently solely OPs responsibility. I would be annoyed too.

  69. ESH for arguing over something so minor and being inefective parents. Teach your kid that no means no and people dont have to share everything. If he has a tantrum then one of you should have removed him from the room.

  70. ESH. The father said no and he should be the one who handles the meltdown. Unsure why this entire thread is placing the blame on the mother. They should’ve worked as a team to help calm the child or remove the child together. One incident of this especially at wedding isn’t a teaching moment on “you can’t always get your way with a meltdown.” It’s a goddamn toddler. This one situation isn’t going instill a life long lesson on the toddler.

  71. ESH, you're supposed to be a team. Let's play this out dad says no kid has a tantrum. Dad gives in, he's actually correct it's too spicy. The kid burns his tongue and has a tantrum. He's 2 yo they're not hard to trick. Pretend to give him some of dad's food and keep him quiet

  72. Op seems like the type that would have made a scene if the dad would have given in and the kid ends up crying over the heat.

  73. ESH. He's your ex for a reason. And you're his ex for a reason. He does not have to listen to anything you tell him that isn't backed by a court order. You demanding your ex do something is ridiculous. That being said you certainly can feed a child spicy food. It might be too spicy and that's a lesson the child can now learn without dying.

  74. I am going with YTA because at 2 years old your child should be learning the concept of NO. I have a 17 month old who loves to munch on my spicy curry and when he was first on solid food would not eat baby jar bolognese unless added almost spicy amounts of garlic. That being said, you weren't eating the curry so you don't know just how spicy it was. I made the mistake of giving in and giving my son some of my chilli once which was too spicy and he sobbed and heaved, not fair on him. Also he said no, that should be the end of it. As long as he wasn't starving the kid and he had other food available, then as parents (together or co-parenting) you need to have eachothers backs. You wouldn't be happy with your ex if the roles were reversed and he was pressuring you into saying yes to something you said no to, then continued to "congratulate" you on being a horrible parent, making the child cry and not giving in. You're in this together!

  75. ESH, you should be presenting a united parenting front to your child. If you disagree on something, discuss and sort it out when your kid isn't there. This was low stakes and not very important, but if you can get on the same page now, it will save you both a world of pain later when he learns to play you off against each other. For his sake, he needs consistent expectations and boundaries so he grows up secure and not spoiled. While you're still working this out with your ex, consider the 'two yeses one no' rule - two yeses are required for a yes, one parent's no is an overall no. Only you and your ex know if you're both sensible enough not to hold your veto over each other, but it's a good place to start

  76. NTA. Nothing more appealing to a toddler than parents food. She could’ve offered anything else & it wouldn’t work! Food envy is real! This is the tot’s Dad… why wouldn’t he share with his child?? Its a sample not the full meal!

  77. YTA. Your son is extremely impressionable and you are essentially instilling in him from a young age that he can get what he wants by complaining. Like I get it, hes a child and he will complain, but in this context he is not letting him eat something that could harm him and youre trying to guilt trip your husband. The stuff I read on the internet sometimes from my own race man.

  78. YTA. Probably would have been simplest and nicest if your ex had just given him some food, but it would have been a nice thing to do, not something he should just be expected to do. His reason was dumb but he doesn't need a good reason not to give up his food if he doesn't want to. And your child does need to learn that he isn't entitled to have something just because he wants it

  79. (1) Your kid has had spicy food before and has liked it. (2) This is at a wedding and your ex is going to make your toddler cry drawing attention away from the couple/ceremony/whatever is happening. (3) He's not making proper boundaries if he let's the kid try other food from his plate and knows you give him spicy food. Weddings aren't the right time to change parenting techniques.

  80. I haven’t read all the responses but there are a disturbing number of the ones I have read that think that a father refusing to give his toddler food off his plate or redirecting the child in anyway is just a stand-up move, that a two-year old needs to be taught that no means no even at a wedding, and that it’s all mom’s fault because the child had a (predictable) melt down and she got a little snarky with the man who caused it. Two year olds throw fits over tiny things, that’s just what they do. No amount of “just teach your kid that no means no, lady” is going to change that unless we get into child abuse territory. I don’t think YTA, but I do think Reddit can be a terrible place for child rearing advice. (Also, if the food is too spicy for the child he won’t eat it.)

  81. This is WILD. Some of y’all have clearly never met a two year old. Part of being a parent is letting your kid try some of your food. A little spice is not going to hurt a toddler. If it was indeed too spicy, it’s a great lesson for toddler to learn - it’s not going to kill them. Also, most parents would do anything to stop a toddler tantrum in its tracks. NTA

  82. ESH. There is a time and a place for everything. A wedding is not the place to begin setting boundaries. A child making a scene at a wedding or restaurant needs to be removed so as not to disturb others. To argue rather than attend to the 2yo makes you both assholes. The father is an asshole because he could have defused the situation by giving the 2yo a taste. We went out of our way to expose our kids to as many new foods as possible because it broadens their palate as adults and reduces food allergies. Then to argue in public with your ex at a wedding (a bit ironic) making everyone around you uncomfortable AGAIN makes you both assholes.

  83. NTA - if I was the bride at the wedding id appreciate not having a crying toddler at the reception. He's 2 years old & hungry. For the sake of him not having meltdown giving him a little bit of the food was the better option.

  84. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  85. NTA I understand we shouldn’t give in to tantrums but there is a place and time to teach lessons. Just like you can’t give in every time there is a tantrum, you can’t teach a lesson every time they throw a tantrum. You can give him the food to shut him up and discuss why it was wrong later. Some say OP caused a scene, but it seemed like the kid was gonna cry regardless. Sometimes you just have to give in for the sake of keeping the peace. Your kids won’t become spoiled and entitled just because you give in once in awhile.

  86. INFO- What exactly was this spicy food and is it something your son has had before? I’m stuck between E S H and Y T A based on whatever the food was.

  87. YTA. You argued with your instead of backing them up & that’s teaching your child, even at this age, that they can whine/cry their way into one parent giving in. I don’t agree with your ex about the spicy food but that wasn’t the time or place to argue about it. Co-parenting takes a lot of cooperation & respect. Kids need that.

  88. YTA - It was a wedding, I am pretty sure your child had a plate of food even if it was from the kids menu. The child was not going to go hungry. Your ex is allowed to relax and enjoy ALL of his food. Even if it wasn’t a wedding he should still able to eat HIS food.

  89. YTA sounds like you created the scene at the wedding. Also, don’t raise a spoiled child if the answer is no leave it at no and teach your child to respect a no he cries because he knows he will get his way if he does id curb that behavior right now. The only thing I agree with you on is two is not too young to eat Spicy food but it wasent your food and he’s his dad and he said no so why dosent he get a say. If it was my wedding and I saw this go down I’d be mad at you 1. For not teaching your kid no means no and letting him have a meltdown at my wedding because you’re a lazy parent who gives in as opposed to redirecting the behavior or just teaching your child to have healthier reactions and I’d be mad that you’re now having a melt down yourself because someone else didn’t give your child their food .. uhm yeah you can control your actions as an adult don’t start a fight in the middle of dinner.. you’re the ah maybe not a huge ah but a little bit yeah

  90. You said the dad was being “greedy” by not sharing his food when clearly he was concerned about the child eating the spicy food. That’s crappy of you to try and make it something different than it was. And yes, kids can and should be told no sometimes. YTA

  91. YTA-get over yourself, it's not your food and you're entitled to think that you should be able to dictate if your ex gives his son some of his food or not, you're gonna raise an entitled brat by acting like that.

  92. YTA - No means NO. It doesn’t not mean to continue to whine, nag, coerce, etc. Ex said no. Toddler was told no. You were told no. No means NO.

  93. YTA. You saying it's okay doesn't mean it is, you do not get to unilaterally make decisions. ESPECIALLY with food that's not yours.

  94. YTA— kids don’t always get what they want. Their parents are who teach them to handle the disappointment. You are going to raise a child unable to hear the word no if you keep giving in to every want/tantrum. Which is terrifying considering you are raising a (possible) future man.

  95. YTA your son isn’t entitled to other people’s food. He needs to be taught to understand and follow boundaries that are being set.

  96. YTA. Even if you think your ex is wrong for whatever reason, arguing with him in front of your son is poor parenting. You’re biasing your son against his father. If you think it is that important that your kid eats spicy, or as a rule of thumb if you ever disagree with your ex, discuss it with him PRIVATELY. In front of the kid you should act as a team. Or soon enough he will know how to get his way every time by asking this or that to you or him.

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