AITA for how I responded to a parent questioning me when I was out with my husband?

  1. Librarians too. Librarian conferences have some of the most intense drinking I've ever seen. And I went to a small residential college in Maine where there wasn't much else to do on campus in the winter than drink.

  2. Judging by the other replies to your comment it seems you are in fact wrong and everyone profession drinks equally as much as every other and they all drink the most.

  3. When I was in the Army I signed into a new post and asked the guy at the desk what there is to do in the area. 'Do you like to drink?' 'Doesn't everyone?' ' REALLY drink.....'

  4. Think that's something? I STILL remember the Republican convention in New Orleans. Nothing but hookers, booze and gay bars packed full of apparatchiks. Suppression leads to obsession.

  5. When I was a teacher I was also bartending because, you know, teacher pay ☹️ Edited for weird autocorrect

  6. As a former teacher (who didn't drink), it was depressing seeing how many of my colleagues needed to drink in the evening. Teaching is hell. Fuck this parent.

  7. Reminds me of when I worked nights in the ICU. Sometimes my friends and I would pick up some Mexican food and hang out a bit before going home.

  8. NTA What is Mrs Busybody going to report? You went to a festival and she harassed you? It may come to a shock to Mrs Busybody but teachers have a private life, drink and have tattoos and piercings.

  9. This AH sounds like she's never matured beyond that childish view that teachers live in their school and have no other life.

  10. A parent once phoned the school I worked at to report that she'd seen me buying vodka in a local supermarket!!! 😱😱😱

  11. Mrs Busybody sees teachers as co-parents and is bitter she doesn't get to have the same fun teacher is - cause she's actually the parent.

  12. I just feel bad for them. Theyre subconsciously jealous because theyve been told their whole lives the moment they become a mom they must be modest, never drink, and never have fun. So when ever they see women who have kids or work with kids, drink, dress how they want, and have fun they say nooo you cant because i cant. And its like no your husband/family/inlaws/religion just sucks lady start thinking for yourself and let others do the same.

  13. Meh, soft NTA - bit of advice though - you have to be cautious if you are in the field of education. Perception can turn into reality. People have lost jobs over behaviour outside of work; not that you're doing anything wrong......but it's the perception that can cause problems

  14. This. NTA, but unfortunately sometimes people don't care if you're in the right or not. Sometimes all they care about is that a 14 year old doesn't seem a bare tummy. GOD FORBID.

  15. This. Most of my teacher friends don’t use their real name on social media bc it’s happened where people were disciplined for things posted (backyard bbq with - -gasp- - alcohol) on their pages, even just tags. It’s total BS.

  16. Kudos on the soft NTA! At my first job, a young women gave me some 'advice': "you represent our company ... remember that when you're out on a Saturday night". I thought; eff you, I'm gonna do what I want. 40 years later? I get what she meant! I'm a medium size fish in a little pond ... people know who I am ... they recognize the voice. I definitely represent the company. You're right; perception is what causes many problems

  17. I agree that people HAVE lost jobs before for that in the education field. As a teacher myself, I've heard all sort of stories.

  18. Like literally just answering “No, sorry, you must have me confused for someone else” then ignoring her if she pushes further when the snooty lady asked if she worked in the district would have avoided the whole thing. I’m not in teaching but I am in customer service, and if I identified myself as working for the company after someone asks then end up calling the person who asked a bitch I would likely get written up. If you deny it, you can act abrasively and call people an ass when they’re being an ass. But the moment you say “yes”, you have now identified yourself as a representative of the school district/company and need to act accordingly.

  19. The worst part of teaching in a small community, you’re always Miss XYZ, all the time, everywhere. I once made a slightly pointed retort to a comment at a barbie, shocked pikachu faces. What? I’m not allowed to knock off? As a result my sexuality and relationship details are thoroughly closeted.

  20. Yup. The K-12 I've worked at and every other I'm aware of have codes of conduct for faculty that explicitly applies to dress and behavior outside of work. OP should certainly know that already. It's not a job you can have and just do whatever you want on your own time.

  21. I come from a moderate-conservative (but not super religious) family. Every single family member thinks I did nothing wrong. If anything, I think she was a religious nut job.

  22. I agree with you totally. I have been teaching for 26 years, 20 of which were in the same town I lived in. My principal got a call once from a parent that she saw me walking into a liquor store.

  23. I was in the teaching program for two quarters (it just wasn’t for me) and the number one thing they stressed above everything (except students’ safety) was always presenting a professional image. One of my professors even recommended driving a couple towns over to drink just so people wouldn’t get recognized. They had a ton of stories of people getting fired, or had their offer letter taken away because of a dumb post on the internet or a rumor or whatever (my program was in a smaller town with an even smaller teaching comment where most students usually stayed to teach).

  24. I never got into teaching despite having a degree in education for that reason alone. I got horror stories of the district firing people cause someone was having wine at a restaurant or having pictures of swimming on Facebook.

  25. NTA, but be aware, plenty of districts have “morality” clauses in the contracts. Now, they don’t define morality, because then they couldn’t use these clauses to fire teachers as easily. It’s all left up to admin to define and enforce.

  26. Only thing she missed was to blow a kiss at her. I do that all the time when I'm driving and people are being dicks. You see the steam coming out of there ears. I notice the men get even more mad (I am a man)

  27. NTA - I believe teachers are entitled to a life outside of their jobs. Yet, you never know if Negative Nancy will show up to the next PTA meeting with pictures demanding your removal because "is this type of person who should be teaching our children?" Is it fair? No. Is it right? No, because people should mind their own business. Unfortunately, I have heard a few stories of these incidents happening though.

  28. This is primarily why there is a teacher's union. Nancy can complain all she likes but the chances of it having an impact would be low unless they can show the teacher was doing something illegal or specifically against the morality clause in her contract. Going out to a concert, having beers, and wearing smaller clothing doesn't qualify.

  29. I agree with and suprised that there are so many ntas and this was in the controversial filter. ESH because whilst the op had a right to dress as she did, she was rude to a wider school community member. Proffessionals, including teachers are never entirely off the clock as they always reflect theor proffession and employer. Calling customers the b is out of order and op should face consequences. To be fair, i have skin in the game. I was marked down renewing my teaching certificate because the teacher mentor saw me looking quite rumpled going to a chemist when i was sick. She also lectured me about the outfits i wore even though they were the same as what the men teacher wore, she thought it was only approproate to wear clothes like the other young female teachers

  30. Nothing wrong with having fun and doing what you wish on your own time. But honestly you sound like a self-absorbed sorority girl in your description. And why would you be sure we’d all have guessed this would be about your appearance by paragraph two? None of what you were doing was any of this woman’s business, but the sassy, rockin’ concert girl routine with the f you wink at the end, calling her a b*tch? Spare me. I guessing it won’t be long before you’re put on some kind of administrative leave from your job, if you don’t wisen up a little.

  31. NTA. It's none of her business. Sadly, your husband is right to be concerned. Some people would show up at the next school board meeting and insist that the board stop trying to figure out how to stay within the budget and instead they need to address the fact one of their teachers has a tattoo.

  32. NTA this whole live and breath work shit is bs. You are allowed to be you off the clock. On the sure not acceptable but your not working. Fuck that lady.

  33. NTA- but, it might have been best if you took the high road and didn't call her a bitch, especially if she is the parent of one of your students. I might have said the same thing or worse, if I'd had a couple drinks...she sounds horrible, especially the slut comment. None of her business anyway.

  34. NTA. You were doing nothing illegal. I hate the idea teachers can't have fun because they're role models or whatever. Have fun!

  35. Forward with what exactly? That you were dressed? That you drank a beer in your free time? I would mention it to your boss and only to inform not to make a deal or to explain yourself but just so he/she knows that people apparently have a problem with a young teacher enjoying her life. Even if you where butt naked it's non of their business (extreme example i know) Ofcourse you are a role model but you can enjoy life even though the witch doesn't like it. I would love to see the teachers having fun and doing what they like.

  36. I agree with informing your boss, just to get ahead of this lady does want to start something. You were out in public enjoying yourself, and you were harassed by one of the parents.

  37. NTA I didn't know teachers weren't allowed to drink off the clock, off school property, at a non school event. When was this law passed?

  38. Well, I was almost believing your little story until the "walks away, makes eye contact, downs the whole beer, winks" stuff. Yeah, this didn't happen. YTA for making it up.

  39. My best friend and I were at a Mexican restaurant a week and a half ago. She just started a new job as a teacher at a Catholic school. The staff there are super cool and the dress code is business casual. They don't seem too uptight. My best friend is, well, hot. She is super fit (Crossfit) and has lovely fake boobs. It was hot out so she was wearing jean shorts and a super cute halter top that did show her cleavage but I didn't think it was inappropriate at all. She looked really cute. As we're drinking our cocktails and eating chips and salsa, some people walked by, smiled and waved. They were parents/kids from her new school. The rest of the night she worried what they thought about how she looked and that she was drinking. I found this absurd. It's nobody's business what teachers do in their spare time nor is it anyone's job to police teachers' activities and wardrobes. Don't be this person that the OP is describing. Mind your own damn business and let people enjoy themselves once in a while on this god forsaken planet.

  40. Don’t judge your friend for being worried. Some Catholic schools may seem super chill, but you don’t know the politics. If a parent complains that a teacher was seen acting not in accordance with the church, she could easily be fired. Honestly, if you’re not a teacher, you shouldn’t be making off handed comments on how it works or how it should work to your friend, who clearly has decided that she wants this job.

  41. NTA. But calling her the b-word is going to backfire on you hard. I'd give your principal and whoever else you answer to a heads up, because this is 100% not going to end here. Get your ducks in a row.

  42. NTA. I kinda hope this didn't really happen, but even if it did, you weren't in the wrong, and she was. Unless you signed something at work saying you would never show a piercing or anything even in your off hours, you're golden.

  43. NTA...., but that parent sure is. She might want to take that corn cob that she has so far stuck up her A**...

  44. NTA The only person who needs to worry about how you look is you. You’re an adult who can handle her own life. And I love how you handled it.

  45. NTA - Teaching is your job not your life. You are allowed to wear what you want and drink what you want when you're not at your job, just like anyone else when they aren't at their job. The woman was out of line for approaching you about this and it was very uncalled for to call you names. She got we she deserved.

  46. NTA. I’m not a teacher but I work in schools. I got a side eye while having a martini with my grandfather at a fancy restaurant. That lady deserved it.

  47. NTA for your initial response. However you are a teacher in her district and calling her a bitch is what will get you in trouble if she reports you.

  48. my jaw dropped when she said that u "dressed like a college slut" like who does she think she is? the fashion police? girl bye ✋🙄

  49. She was being rude but the second she called her a slut… Ohhh I wouldn’t have been so kind. She’s an adult, at a concert serving alcohol. That woman needs a hobby. I mean, she’s supposed to not have a life? I would have been livid. People are ridiculous. I had a woman in Whole Foods make loud comments about me in my yoga pants and tank top that gasp that showed my sports bra on the side. I wasn’t wearing pasties and a thong I was coming from hot yoga.

  50. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  51. NTA. I think (and hope) this kind of mentality will fade with time. It's not like you were at a children's playground were at a music festival, the exact place to dress fun and have a beer. No harm no foul. Honestly, that woman is probably jealous of the freedom you allow yourself, as you should!

  52. NTA, that person is the asshole for being so rude to you. They are the one with issues, not you. Like, they got offended by a bellybutton 🤣

  53. Nta, she made a pretty big assumption that the other parents there are like her. That they don’t teach their kids that teachers are people too. That they have lives outside of school. That they may seem them dress different or even being drinking. That its okay and normal.

  54. NTA.. If said judgemental "bitch" woman believes that those in certain careers shouldn't be seen out at events drinking and dressed for the occasion, that's on her.

  55. NTA, that woman was insanely rude and out of line. Teachers aren't creatures that live in the closets at school. People are so ridiculous.

  56. Teachers unions need to write protections for teachers into every contract across this country. Teachers have lives outside of the classroom and that needs to be protected and that protection needs to be codified. Until that happens, situations and harassment like this will only continue.

  57. Calling her a bitch was really dumb. Most teachers’ and licenses and contracts include a code of conduct. That could cost you your job.

  58. You're definitely NTA but you should be prepared for fallout. Parents can and do hold teachers to unrealistic standards and can cause problems for them at work. If I were you I would document everything as you remember it happening and then get in touch with your union rep. Have your bases covered in case this parent decides to take it further.

  59. Holy fuck, back to school seasons is bringing out the Teachers have lives trolls. I mean could she have typed, "old enough to know I don't live at the school" any more.

  60. ESH I think the parent was an out of line busybody but there's probably another way where you exit the conversation quickly to avoid that level of escalation. I was a purple haired goth chick in my early 20s on nights and weekends but when I saw parents in the wild I needed them to know, even looking like Siouxsie Sioux, I was an authority figure in their and their child's lives. If they wanted to be weird about my appearance I just smiled and exited the conversation. But I wouldn't have escalated or called anyone a bitch.

  61. NTA. You’re totally in the right but your husband is not wrong to be worried for you given the temperament of these assholes in your community

  62. NTA but next time just lie. I had an acquaintance who was bit into music festivals and partying and stuff. She was also an elementary school teacher and she'd get people come up to her and ask if she taught their kids or whatever. She'd just lie right to their face and tell them she wasn't a teacher.

  63. NTA, she was completely out of line but she may make trouble for you for calling her a b****. I don't know if there is a way to get on the record first but this kind of person tends to complain and in a lot of jobs you can't call someone names even if they call you them first and you're not at work or on the clock.

  64. You could have used some less aggressive word choices, but in general you're not in the wrong. You're off the clock so its your business where you go and what you do/wear. NTA.

  65. nta what if some student saw someone from their classes parents out drinking .... how inappropriate would that be

  66. NTA, not sure where you are located but I know at least the US is having a teacher crisis right now where there aren't enough teachers. If they wanna fire you over this womans harassment I'm sure you'll find a new job faster than they can replace you.

  67. NTA. As a kindergarten teacher I 100% agree you should be able to drink however much you want and wear whatever you want outside of school hours and off school property. The lady was way out of line.

  68. NTA, but that sucks. My brother got ran out of town at his last teaching position because parents saw him leaving a liquor store in town and then they all turned against him, tried to sugar trap him (and succeeded) at a private party at one of the parents houses, and essentially forced him to resign before he was fired.

  69. And this is why I mentioned that educators have to use discretion when choosing where to go and how to present themself. Kudos.

  70. NTA You're allowed to be a person. I'm sure you're a great teacher, but you're I think you responded perfectly. Don't let Ms. I Hate Any Woman Who Looks Sexier Than Me trouble you. What was she doing there, all scandalous? Lol She probably was in a turtleneck and not drinking, but whatever. Some people suck. You're good.

  71. Worried the lady might come forward... and expose herself as a judgemental busybody who harassed a stranger? NTA

  72. Teacher here! You handled it the right way. You are not required to become a spinster outside of school hours. Have fun on your date nights! NTA

  73. It's shit like this that drove me out of teaching. My first year out of teaching, I was dating a guy I'd been with the last three years I was in school. He had skipped a few grades and was brilliant...but he looked super young. And he was only a little older than my super seniors. We ended up breaking up because of pressure I got for bringing him to school football games and whatnot. I wish I'd quit teaching so I could have seen where that relationship would've gone, since he was an absolute gem. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this bullshit! Teaching is so fun and rewarding, but being a teacher totally blows.

  74. NTA, but you shouldn't have confirmed that you're a teacher. Just say, "nope, I must have doppelganger!" smile and walk away.

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