AITA for yelling at my girlfriend for baking a dessert for a dinner party?

  1. Also, don’t freak out about small items and say things you don’t mean. It is very immature and a great way to drive away your significant other and your friends.

  2. This. OP had already lost me at telling Rosie not make something sweet because mommy won't like it, and then his reaction to her making something sweet because gasp! other people besides mommy will be there just capped it all off for me.

  3. The fact that OP yell at her and accusing her to be petty for not catering for and ONLY FOR his mommy makes me doubt that he actually side with her when mommy throw some snarky comments.

  4. All of this! YTA and you need therapy. You are sabotaging your relationship because of your Mother's feelings but pretending it doesn't affect you. This pattern will continue until you work it out with professional help.

  5. You don’t yell at another adult. Are you her parent? Do you have any authority over her what so ever? No? Then why the fuck are you yelling?

  6. 100% he needs to tell his mother to get over whatever her issues are and start treating Rosie with respect. Someone as uptight and rude as OP's mom isn't going to completely change her attitude about someone because of something they cooked.

  7. Also OP, why couldnt u both make a dish or two and say its from both of u. U could even make them together! Then if ur mom wants to say anything, u get to tell her to stop insulting ur work

  8. So because Mom doesn’t like sweets, that means no one in the family at this dinner party can ever make or partake of anything sweet? OP isn’t the only AH here, sounds like this poo didn’t fall from the butt hole!

  9. Right? Is the mother not going to serve dessert just because she doesn't care for it? That would be a bullshit dinner party. OP, your mother's dislike of everyone you've dated isn't about the people you've dated. It's about the obviously weird and toxic relationship she has with you. You say you ignore her, but here you are bringing her toxicity into your relationship. YTA. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. You need to go to therapy and get your head right before you sabotage your own love life any further.

  10. And to add insult to injury, she was piping macaron batter- Even remotely successful, that is pretty damn difficult to do, let alone succeed at, and she was doing this to impress the folks at the party as well make an effort, a sincere effort, to contribute something really nice.

  11. You notice how he says he's upset that girlfriend won't go because it will make his mom like her even less? He doesn't care how gf feels, just how his mom feels.

  12. I feel like op is that guy who eventually this sub tells the gf/ wife they have a bf/ husband problem and not just a MIL problem.

  13. 5. You don't tell someone to make something from a recipe they googled when they are trying to make something to impress someone. When you are bringing something, you want to bring your A game. GF would have impressed all the other party goers with her amazing macarons. She has the right idea, she impresses the rest of the party, they're all going to be side-eying OP's mom (if they're not already) and it's a total win for the GF.

  14. Hostages is right. OP is lucky GF is even willing to go, much less actually contribute her time and talent to bring something. And he yelled at her. Ugh.

  15. You set her up for this, you weren't going to defend her, and you are indulging mommy's horrible treatment of the women you supposedly care for.

  16. Macarons are a science.....i bake i despise them. Dude thats why they are so expensive. The other human guests will love them. But it sounds like a party id rather be 'sick' for

  17. You make a dish requiring skill - like macarons - when you want to impress and please. OP’s partner is golden, and I suggest OP prepare himself because this woman - who knows who she is and is clearly not going to put up with too much shit for too long - is going to get sick of OP’s peculiar and unhealthy relationship with his mother and dump him.

  18. Oh my god do you even realize how hard baking macarons is? My friend tried to bake them twice in the past week and both times were failures. I would be thrilled to see someone going to the effort of doing that for my family.

  19. I tried making them as a challenge. The first batch turned out near perfect. It was at that moment i realized i was secretly a witch and my magic school letter carrying owl was desperately lost

  20. Right? The only time I’ve cried over baking something was macarons… I’m humble but not about my baking and that dish is the devil. I will never attempt to make them again because they are hard to make.

  21. Seriously! My friend went to baking school and struggled to make them outside of school because everything has to be just right. She figured out it was because of the temperature in her home kitchen messing them up!

  22. Thank you! I haaaaate baking and I do not have much of a sweet tooth. I loved when people would bring dessert (homemade or store-bought) when coming over because I knew it would make other people happy and I wouldn't have to try to figure it out. As you said, this is how reasonable people respond if they are a host

  23. INFO, was anybody going to make dessert? If so it may as well have been her if she knows some good dessert recipes. Or was it a dessert-free dinner on account of your mothers hatred of all things sweet?

  24. YTA. You say you're willing to defend your partners from your mother's snark...and now you're mad because your girlfriend won't suck up to your mother's snark? Your mother is not going to automatically decide to be a better person because Rosie makes something she likes. That doesn't sound like the type of person she is from the information you've given us. Go apologize.

  25. YTA. Why do YOU need to impress a person who hates everyone you date and has a rotten attitude? Because you're the only person who cares. You're not ignoring shit, you're letting her snarky comments live rent free in your head and taking them out on your girlfriend.

  26. Also, if his intent is to impress his mom does he not realize a baker looking up a brand new, untested cooking recipe is unlikely to make something that would impress his mom. She’s right to stick with what she’s good at/comfortable with.

  27. YTA - Your girlfriend has a spine. You do not. Your girlfriend was going to stick with her strengths and you were setting her up for failure.

  28. YTA. If your mother has decided she doesn't like your girlfriend, then her not baking something sweet won't change her mind or give her any brownie points. She isn't obligated to suck up to your mother or try to impress her. If she wants to bake something sweet, your mom can deal with it and not eat it. Simple.

  29. for real. dessert sounds like the perfect thing to bring if no one else was bringing any. Does nobody get dessert because OP's mom doesn't like sweets?

  30. YTA. It’s not your gf’s job to suck up to your mom and make her like her. It’s your mom’s job to recognize who makes her son happy and be civil to that person. You’re not doing dick to ‘protect’ your gf from your mom, you’re catering to her shitty behavior.

  31. The answer your gf gave you is spot on. Your mum might not like sweet things, but is your mum gonna be the only person at that party? What kind of fucked-up dinner party serves NOTHING SWEET for dessert?

  32. YTA. If your girlfriend has no chance of winning over your mother, then she should be doing what she does best and trying to bring happiness to the rest of the party. Baking is a fundamentally different activity than cooking savory food. I was always a good baker, but it was rare that I could make a savory dish that I would feel confident taking to an event full of people who don’t already like me. I believe I have exactly 2 dishes at the moment that I feel I can make consistently, that are not sweet. Neither one is particularly fancy. But before I developed an inability to eat wheat, i used to make the most beautiful pies.

  33. Yta, for yelling, for yelling about a desert, for thinking a dish at a family function will "fix" their relationship.

  34. I'm surprised more people aren't directly addressing that Rosie was full-on yelled at for daring to disobey her boyfriend's orders. This guy has problems regulating his emotions, either around this subject or just in general. This was not a yelling situation. YTA OP

  35. YTA. And I bet you miss that baking after she dumps your ass. I hope pie never tastes the same for you ever again. Maybe mommy will make you some bland toast or something because she is the only one you really care about anyway.

  36. YTA. Your mother clearly has issues and you should talk to her about it instead of screaming at your GF who was simply baking a dessert.

  37. YTA, not for telling her not to bake something sweet but for not respecting that that is what she's comfortable making and yelling at her for making something she felt she would've good at. I can't cook for shit, but I can bake like nobodies business. The only thing I've ever brought to any family gatherings have ALL been baked goods because if I tried to make any other kind of food, everyone would end up spitting it into their napkin.

  38. THIIIIIIIS. GF wasn't trying to spite Mommy Dearest, she was trying to put her best foot forward when it comes to making food. YTA, OP.

  39. I know! I was expecting an easy cupcake recipe but macarons are very impressive. Smart move on her part.

  40. YTA. You need to ask Mummy to give you your balls back. You’re making Rosie bend over backwards to win your Mum’s approval instead of telling your Mum she needs to respect Rosie. She’s not going to like Rosie no matter what she does, so Rosie might as well enjoy herself. Also, it’s your family and your Mum’s party so you should cook. But I guess in your world women do all the cooking. Double YTA. I hope Rosie dumps you, I would.

  41. oh my godddddd YTA. is your mother the only guest at this dinner party? you both sound like a real treat (NOT a dessert)

  42. YTA. She’s right. Maybe someone else at the party besides your Mom might like a dessert. A dessert is not going to make your Mom dislike your GF unless your Mom already dislikes her.

  43. YTA. Your GF was 100% right that there would be others there, she should bring her specialty and not try to make something that she’s not experienced at just for one person there. She DOES NOT need to try to get on your mom’s good side. Sounds like that would be a waster of time anyway. And simply googling a recipe doesn’t mean it will be good. Why would anyone bring something they’ve never made before?

  44. You're a massive asshole. Children scream and shout when they don't get their own way, you shouldn't be shouting at your girlfriend for not following your suggestion of what she should make. And then telling her not to go to the dinner? Grow up for god sake

  45. Your girlfriend will never win your mom’s approval by simply being sweet and compliant. But you have put the expectation on her anyway that she will do whatever it takes to complete the impossible task of winning mom’s love.

  46. YTA We usually bring things to for dinner parties but you already made something savory. You’re girlfriend is making something that she comfortable making. She’s making macarons for god sake! Those are not easy to make. You should be grateful and thanking her for her effort! You obviously do not ignore what your mother thinks because you’re treating your girlfriend like shit even before your mother has a chance to make her snarky comment!

  47. YTA Firstly it isn’t your girlfriends job to fix the relationship with MIL. Secondly even if she wanted to fix it, what she makes for one dinner party isn’t going to do it. Thirdly, your gf has a point that your mother isn’t the only person at the party. Fourthly, anytime you yell it makes you TA (unless it is a life and death safety issue “look out!”)

  48. This comment is too far down. Being partners goes both ways. If I'm not gonna comply with my partners request, I'll at least tell him in advance. Doesn't mean yelling is OK, though.

  49. YTA- I hope she leaves you. Like, no matter what your mom wouldn’t like/wouldn’t eat what your gf cooks so let her cook what she wants.

  50. Yta. Look into your anger problems. Yelling at someone for baking. Wow. Sounds like your mom is hard to please. Your gf stated she wanted to make something she was comfortable with. I bet other guests would be impressed with macarons.

  51. Yta, lets hope she realizes soon what everyone else in here thinks of you, that you're not worth of her efforts and she deserves better :') have a lovely night with your mom, the woman that obviously believes she's married to you

  52. YTA - why do you expect Rosie to do everything to please your mother no matter what? If your mother dislikes sweet things it's her problem - she was not the only guest expected at the party and I'm pretty sure she's older than 3 years old and will understand the world does not revolve around her. You should understand it as well.

  53. YTA. If you really feel like your girlfriend going to the trouble of baking macarons for a dinner party is honestly going to destroy her "one chance" at getting on your mother's good side, then there is something very wrong with that situation. I'd be done trying to impress someone like your mom too if I were her. If it's really that important to you that your girlfriend and mom get along, then either focus on your mom's overcritical treatment of people or figure out how to adjust your expectations. Yelling at your girlfriend isn't the right solution here.

  54. You and your mom are the assholes! YOU need to get your mom in line or she will make every woman you ever date life miserable . Time to have a talk with mommy how your girlfriends won’t be “auditioning” for her and if she doesn’t like it , it’s your relationship with HER that will be reevaluated

  55. YTA and furthermore, I’m pretty sure if your gf were to bend over backwards trying to please your mother, your mother will hate her even more.

  56. YTA - it’s not just your mum at the party right? So a person might enjoy something sweet and enjoy it? Chances are if she is so picky she won’t like your girlfriend even if she pulled out a 5 star restraint quality dish.. let her do something she enjoys. You said it’s your life and you are dating her… but sounds like you are wrong. If that was the case you would be proud of her for doing something she is good at.

  57. YTA you claim that you shut your mother down and stand up for your girlfriend, but your whole post contradicts the statement. If you are standing up for your girlfriend then you should let her make the desert, it might be your mother‘s party but it’s not like everyone is lining up in front of your mother’s throne to offer her offerings like a deity. It’s a party, people eat things and other people like sweet things.

  58. Yta, your mother is not the only guest at the party, and since you know you mother will hate all your girlfriends anyway, you shouldn't make them even botther on getting along with her

  59. YTA You’re doing a really terrible job at defending your gf. I mean, does forcing your gf to give into your moms behavior really defending? You’ve said it yourself that your mom hasn’t liked any of your girlfriends, she’s clearly not gonna change over a certain type of dish. Grow some balls and put boundaries down.

  60. Dude. Your girl was making MACARONS and you yelled at her for it? YTA. You aren’t in charge of her, and she has a point that your mom isn’t the only person at the party. It sounds like she’s actually pretty good at baking, and I say good on her for wanting to share what she’s skilled at instead of pandering to your mother.

  61. Yta and pretty much whatever has been said in the comments is something i agree with so i'm not gonna repeat it, go and apologize, the problem is your dear mom, not your gf. Poor girl, if you will not change she's doomed unless she dumps you for a real man.

  62. YTA. If she wants to bake something sweet, she has the fully right to do so. You stated that 'everyone' will bring something. Well, what did you contribute and bring??? Nothing.

  63. Yes YTA- the dinner party isn’t food solely to feed your mom. It’s for everyone to enjoy. Just because your mom hates sweets doesn’t mean sweets are banned from the party. You seem upset for a different reason….

  64. YTA. Your girlfriend is right- most guests would appreciate and enjoy a dessert so it’s actually kind of her to bring something that your mother wouldn’t even want to make herself but that would be enjoyed at the party. The only way you wouldn’t be the AH and girlfriend was was if she made something that mom was allergic to or if she had made a dessert after being told your mom loves doing this herself. His problem is 50/50 you and your moms fault.

  65. YTA- You need to stop acting like your gf needs to fix things with your mother. Your mother is the one being difficult. Your gf isn't a dog that needs to jump through hoops for a treat. Do better.

  66. YTA. Please go apologize to your sweet, thoughtful girlfriend. If she accepts your apology, take her and the dessert she made to the dinner party. Be ready to support her and back her up 100%. If your mother insults her for bringing a dessert, take your girlfriend and the dessert and leave. Then, take your girlfriend out to eat at a nice restaurant.

  67. YTA. Your girlfriend is more comfortable making recipes she knows, and the pressure to make a new recipe to appease the angry gods, I mean your mother, is demanding too much. She is correct that your mother is not the only person in attendance—there are plenty of guests who will appreciate her dessert!

  68. YTA so much. You don't get to dictate what your gf does. The arguments your gf gave you are totally right, and it sounds like your mom is the issue. There are so many wrong things in your post that i don't even know where to start. If i was your partner, i would leave your ass right there, as you show so many red flags. She is totally right to not back up, and if you want her to go along with your mom, you should talk to your mom instead, and not your girlfriend, because apparently it's a recurring issue with your mother.

  69. YTA. You told your gf to make something and she did what she does best. You and your mom should be grateful for that. Your gf shouldn’t have to go above and beyond to please your mom. The dessert gesture should be enough. You definitely shouldn’t have yelled at her. That was a huge jerk move

  70. Honestly OP, your mom sounds like a real treat. And frankly in your gf's place, I wouldn't be stressing overly much about getting her to like me.

  71. YTA 100%. Your GF said she was best at baking and even if your mother didn't approve other people would have liked it. Who cares what your mother thinks? Are you dating your GF or your mother? Your GF's opinion and feelings matter more than your mother's and you just majorly hurt her feelings.

  72. YTA for this but also in general and I pity any woman who has to tolerate your weird “please help keep mommy happy” attitude. It’s gross af. How about telling your mother to watch her bad attitude instead of expecting your girlfriend to tip toe around her. If you can’t do that, frankly you lack maturity to be in a relationship with anyone other than your own hand. Grow up. Who would even want to impress your mom or “get on her good side” my god she sounds insufferable. Maybe just ask her for a list of women she finds appropriate so you don’t have to waste anyone else’s time with this disrespect

  73. YTA. Your mom has made her stance on your GF perfectly clear, so why bother trying to appease her? The two of them are never going to get along, and it's rather inconsiderate of you to force your GF out of her comfort zone for some reconciliation that, honestly, your mother doesn't seem capable of. Face it, dude, your mom is toxic and you need to protect your GF from that lest she dump your ass.

  74. YTA Forget that your mother hates anything sweet. You're the TA because you're daft enough to not realize how difficult it is to make good macarons!

  75. Learn to love being single, bud, because I have a feeling you’ll have a long life of it as long as you expect your gf’s to cater to Mommy.

  76. You forcing Rosie to bow to your Mother’s food preference is just as bad as Rosie having to deal with snarky comments. How do you not see that?

  77. You told her to stay home and now you're annoyed she wants to stay home. You also shouted at her when she was making an effort to being something to someone's hopuse who openly dislikes her. You make a savoury dish if its that important (its your mother not hers) - YTA

  78. YTA. Macarons are hard to make and if that's a skill that your girlfriend has, it would be such a waste to discourage it.

  79. I looked at this and my first thought was that if getting the type of food right was so important, why didn't the OP get off his duff and make it himself..?

  80. YTA. You’re putting the burden of responsibility of fixing the relationship on your girlfriend when it should be on your mom, since she’s the one being rude and close minded with her (and everyone else you’ve dated!). It’s not Rosie’s fault your mom doesn’t like her, so why should she have to walk on eggshells and bend over backwards to please her when she’s already so unreasonable? That’s not fair to her. Also, has your mom actually had to face any consequences for these “snarky comments”? If her behavior is such a constant, are you sure you’re not enabling it?

  81. Why does your gf have to try to get on your moms good side when your mom clearly doesn’t like any girl you bring home? Yta she shouldn’t have to try to please your mother and she should’ve been able to make whatever the hell she wants to make without you yelling at her. You can tell her not to make sweets but that doesn’t make it the law

  82. YTA for yelling. So no one is allowed to eat dessert because your mom doesn’t like sweets? That’s ridiculous.

  83. YTA. Your petty not your girlfriend. She needs a new boyfriend. Someone who is more supportive than you are. You haven't realized you're the male version of your mother. It's nice she thought of other guest not just the selfish woman raised you. You say you defend your girlfriend but i see you berate her like a child.You an asshole for disinviting her . You may as well marry your mother.

  84. YTA Everyone has covered it really well, I just want to add that I think it's tacky you asked her to make anything at all.

  85. YTA. On many levels you are the a******. First of all she gets to bake or fix anything she wants to take to to get together and you don't have the right to tell her not to. And then to treat her badly over it is awful. Your mother is not going to like her no matter what she brings, you've already told us the kind of woman your mother is. You should be glad your girlfriend wants to do something for the get together. And she is right, there are other people there.

  86. YTA and stop trying to make your mom happy in your relationship. Your girlfriend doesn't need to make something she doesn't know how to make just to please your mom. You are going to be single and with you mom at this rate.

  87. YTA. You yelled at her about desserts man just because your mother, who is a single person at a dinner party, doesn’t like sweet things. Do some self reflecting and apologize to her.

  88. Funny. You say you always defend women you date from your mother's comments yet it seems like you pre- emptively threw a tantrum because your gf didn't satisfy your mother's food preferences that she hasn't even expressed yet. If you wanted your gf to make a specific recipe you could provide one, and help her make it. Just saying 'make something my mum would like - that's all the stuff you don't normally cook' is unhelpful. If your mum is going to find fault with your gf for something as ridiculous as making a dessert, take that up with your mum. YTA.

  89. YTA. But here is a partial fix. Take the sweets to the party. Tell gf everyone loved them except dumb mom. Then apologize your ass off.

  90. yta ... your mother isnt the only one who will be there and if you are soooo concerned about impressing your mother then why dont you make something that you know your mom will like

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *