AITA for putting my daughter in therapy despite my wife’s wishes

  1. NTA. When you adopted her, you became an equal parent regardless of blood, so for your wife to pull the "biology gives me more authority" shit makes her an asshole. Refusing to get her daughter the therapy she needs and asked for makes her an asshole. Escalating disagreements and then grounding her for all of them makes her an asshole.

  2. Exactly this. I can’t stand when someone grounds their kid for every little thing. And it’s worse in this case because her child is depressed. The mother should be ashamed. Their daughter will remember that her dad got her the help she asked for while her mom pretty much told her to get over it. Edited a typo.

  3. And the idea to just pray the depression away, smh. My mom believed in the power of prayer and also said God gave us common sense and doctors and expected us to use them too. OP did what was needed. NTA.

  4. Honestly, as a mom of a child I birthed and my husband adopted, I think he should get more brownie points as a parent. I carried and birthed our kids, and had an obligation to love and parent them to the best of my ability no matter what. He met our child, with all of their strengths, weaknesses, joys, and tantrums, and CHOSE to be their parent. In no way am I saying I don't love our kids with every molecule in my body. I just think there is something to be admired when you CHOOSE to love a child, knowing every flaw they have, and sign up to love them forever as they are.

  5. I'd go with quadruple asshole since she got upset that OP got the daughter help which has made her daughter happier and healthier. What kind of monster gets upset that their child is getting better.

  6. Wife is also being legitimately negligent of the childs needs and has denied the child healthcare. This is a huge concern and OP was right to listen to his child and get her the help she asked for and clearly needs. OP is NTA, the wife is a huge AH and immature to boot, giving OP the silent treatment for weeks. Doesn’t speak highly of her ability to communicate effectively to resolve issues in the future

  7. NTA What ProfPlumDidIt hits the nail right on the head. Your wife is definitely TAH there. And she's a lousy mother for not getting your daughter help when she asked for it. GOOD FOR YOU for being a good parent and getting her the help she needs! Let the woman live on the couch and pout.

  8. It doesn't just make her an asshole by not allowing her daughter to get therapy, it makes her deeply neglectful. Imagine OPs daughter attempts to or actually does unalive herself bc of these feelings taking over. Then what?! Then it's much to late and imo the parent should be charged for not actively seeking help when the child is literally begging for it. OP needs to throw that situation at her and see what her answer would be. I also think this woman needs to be supervised around the daughter. Who in their right mind would not act on their child's pleas for therapy?! It's insane.

  9. OP your a really great dad. This was heart warming to read, my only suggestion would be to see if you can get your wife to agree to couples counseling.

  10. I was getting ready to type exactly this. The bio-mom parent line is just her covering bad patenting. This isn't far from my lived experience. I ended up divorcing the bio-parent, probably not soon enough, but that's another story. You go Dad! You are the stabilization influence in her life now. Where we live, I have just as much parental right as her, and I ended up with custody of both of our girls. On that- you do those girl things with her, best that you can. It may be awkward at first, but the two of you will figure it out. I have wonderful relationship with my daughter now, and many people are shocked to know she isn't genetically linked to me. I hope you can work this out with your wife, that way I did it is definitely the hard way. Best tip I can give you is try to leave her some wiggle room somewhere. No one reacts well when backed into a corner. Hold your ground on the therapist stuff, but maybe admit her method may have worked but you didn't know how to do it so you went with your gut. Even though her "Jesus will fix it" is straight up b's, even hurts to type that. Wishing you good luck. Another dad that stood up for the kid.

  11. And speaking from personal experience, forcing a kid to go to church and pray to fix their mental health issues is likely to just add shame to whatever the kid is dealing with and make it worse. Also, from experience, constantly restricting a kid's social time to the point it's nonexistent because you don't like the fact they're arguing with you, it's not going to make their mental health or behaviour better. When you have an abusive parent, and sounds like the mom might be emotionally abusive, them further restricting your access to social supports is really no different than when in DV relationships one partner restricts their victim from seeing their friends and family. I think adults, particularly controlling parents, can be incredibly oblivious (or apathetic) to the fact teenagers and kids REALLY need social time. We all do, but it's really important during developmental stage.

  12. I'm gonna guess the wife just wants to pray away whatever she sees is wrong between her and OP and that therapy is a no-go.

  13. Dude NTA, your wife sounds horrible, good on you for being such a great adoptive father, your daughter is lucky to have you. You 100 percent did a great thing, its important to take claims of depression seriously, because we don't want to think of where bad depression leads to.

  14. OP’s wife may not realize that depression amongst teens has skyrocketed over the last few years. Taking teens who are normally social beings and forcing them to isolate has had a devastating impact on mental health.

  15. YUP, OP is legally a parent to his step daughter. If they get divorced she can choose to live with him as far as I understand.

  16. NTA. You did good, never doubt that. Your wife is abusive mentally to your daughter. Do what you can and show her that you're on her side, your daughter obviously appreciates it. Give her what's er help she needs to build herself a good foundation to stand on

  17. NTA - good on you for being the one adult in the house willing to prioritize your daughter's mental health and get her help she asked for.

  18. You also adopted your daughter so is your wife trying to one-up you on the parental level because the daughter isn't biologically yours? She needs therapy too!

  19. I’m a formal social worker and if OP had not put the daughter in therapy or sought treatment for her and she went back to school and a teacher called CPS, I can absolutely guarantee you CPS would do an investigation and order therapy at minimum. If mom played games with them and still refused, she could have been banned from the home and temporarily lost custody until she complied. It’s one thing if the child is old enough and doesn’t want to go therapy but it’s completely different when she’s asking for help and the parent refuses. OP is NTA.

  20. Teacher here, and yes. If the dad had also refused to get needed medical care, and therapy absolutely counts, that is neglect. That absolutely can and should be reported. Teenagers die from mental health crises. Mental health care literally saves lives.

  21. NTA. You're an amazing parent that does what a parent should do, which means putting the needs of their child first. I'm glad your daughter is making strides in her therapeutic journey, and I hope she continues. Your wife, on the other hand, has a lot to learn.

  22. NTA you adopted her too she isssss ypur daughter too and you are caring for her. I dont think you are in the wrong. I hope she gets better soon and that your wife will hopefully comw to understand that your daughter needs therapy

  23. NTA. Your daughter's mental health is more important then your wife's ego. Mom may not understand it but the fact that your kid asked for help is amazing. Kids rarely say they're going to kill themselves or self harm so I'm glad she's getting help before the worst could happen. This can change her whole life. You did the right thing no matter what your wife argues

  24. NTA shame on your wife for ignoring a huge problem. You stepped up as her dad, and despite not being blood related you seen the signs and got her help. Your daughter isn't safe around your wife, and depression could end up leading to suicide, doesn't matter how much mom says go prey you seen yourself your daughter was slipping into deeper depression. Since you did adopt her and have legal say you do what is best for your daughter, the wife is a danger to your daughters mental state, and if she is taken out of getting the help she needs she will just get worse. If you have to separate and file full custody you do so, the girl is old enough to talk to a judge, and when it comes to what is going on and getting the help she needs your the best choice of a parent. Wife needs help because how she is treating the daughter is not healthy at all. I have a friend who passed away many yrs ago due to an OD due to severe depression. Wife is turning a blind eye to a serious issue and is in denial there is a problem.

  25. Your wife is emotionally and mentally abusive. She has isolated her daughter from her support system (friends). Good for you for standing up for your daughter! She’s just as much your kid as your wife’s, biology is irrelevant. It’s sh*tty if her to suggest otherwise.

  26. Your daughter is 16 she does not need her parents permission to seek counseling. You also don't need your wife's permission to do it. You have to do what's best by your daughter even if it goes against what your wife is doing. Typically there's also counselors within the school that offer free services she can always reach out to her counselor at school.

  27. NTA - thank you for putting your daughter first. You might not be her bio dad, but you are her father. Teenage years suck for kids and her actually acknowledging she may have an issue means she needs help. Getting her help now will go a long way with getting the tools necessary to tackle being able to be in public more and going to school in person again. Those are hard things for adults to do right now, let alone kids.

  28. Absolutely in no way shape or form are you wrong here. NTA. You are an angel for doing this. You adopted her, you have just as much authority as the mother. She’ll see in time it’s for the best. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s really messed up, and best wishes to your kiddo, she will be just fine now.

  29. NTA, and thank you for getting your daughter the help she needs. If I had gotten help when I asked years ago instead of being told to pray more, go to church more, read the Bible more, I genuinely don’t think I’d be as fucked up as I am now.

  30. NTA, therapy is almost a need nowadays for teenagers, even more when you noticed attitudes like the ones your daughter had! In my case, I'd say the asshole is your wife. She hasn't been able to handle easily comprehensible like what is best for your daughter. I would stand strong and help your daughter in everything she needs <3, you seem to be a great father, carry on anon!

  31. NTA of course. You have signs that you were right about the diagnose and the solution. Now the question is why your wife couldn't see it? Is she mad that you were right or is she mad she didn't see? I guess best would be to communicate and try to not judge her or "I told you so" but I don't know your wife. 2 weeks is a very long time to stay angry. Have you tried to talk to her within the last week?

  32. NTA. You put your child first. Right now that matters way more than biologic connection. Your wife is completely in the wrong for her denial. Try to get her into couples counseling with you.

  33. NTA. Your wife was refusing medical care for her child. That is neglect. You refused to neglect a minor in your care who specifically asked for your help. That is not AH territory, that is potentially save a teenager's life territory.

  34. NTA. There is no such thing as authority as a bio parent- not only that but this one is clearly an AH. You don’t ignore a teenager’s plea for help. That’s a great way to help your teen become a statistic. You did absolutely the right thing and honestly, she should be sleeping on the couch, not you.

  35. NTA you likely saved your daughters life. Who knows what would have happened if she continued to decline. Your wife is in denial, God created therapist for a reason. Continue to support your child, but be prepared that your marriage may not recover.

  36. NTA-Reading this actually has me crying. Thank you so much for looking out for her! This was me as a teenager. I was depressed and my mother would tell me to "go to church". Fortunately, I sought help from my wonderful school nurses and they were able to set me up with a therapist. My mom only had to drive me to the appointment and even then, she refused to. The only reason she ended up doing it was because I told her I was thinking about suicide. Needless to say, I moved out as soon as I turned 18. I now have a teenager of my own and Covid isolation really affected her too. As soon as I saw the signs, we had a talk and she's been seeing a therapist. Talking to her therapist and being on medication has helped, but we still have a long road ahead. Please continue to advocate for your daughter. She's lucky to have you, and I hope things continue to improve for her.

  37. NTA. Your wife sounds like a religious fundamentalist and I’d watch for other areas of your daughter’s life where that manifests in neglect or outright abuse.

  38. NTA. Your wife though, she’s the A.H here. Mental health needs to be taken just as seriously as physical health, your wife was neglecting her health.

  39. Sounds like your wife is abusing your daughter and is having a hand in isolating her. NTA, and I would seriously rethink your marriage because she sounds unhinged

  40. Well before the pandemic I had a 15 year old nephew commit suicide, he left no clues. You are your daughter's legal parent and she's litterally crying out for help, unlike my nephew. Kick the wife to the curb! You have as much legal and moral right to your daughter.

  41. NTA - you cant pray away depression. Covid has been hard on most ppl. Get your daughter the help she needs.

  42. You are the adoptive father and have legal rights as a parent. Your wife is being abusive by dismissing and ignoring your daughters deteriorating mental health and is unhinged for saying her issues would be solved by going to church and praying. At the rate your daughter was deteriorating she stands the risk of unaliving herself. Your wife is emotionally neglecting your daughter and gaslighting her need for therapeutic help. She is drowning and your wife is refusing to help. You are a good father and she is legally your daughter and you are doing right by her. Your wife is abusive and cruel and endangering your daughters mental well being with her abusive cruelty.NTA

  43. I want to get therapy for my daughter but my ex won't agree to it and he would have to. He's been emotionally abusive her us both for many years.

  44. NTA in any way. Your wife should be happy that you love your daughter, as much as if she was biologically your own. Backed up by the fact that your daughter wants help. You are being an awesome parent.

  45. NTA. You adopted her, you’re her parent. Fuck your wife. That is abusive bullshit and I am sick of the idea that you can, “pray away”, fucking problems. God isn’t going to start whispering in your daughters ear and fixing her problems, a therapist will talk to her and listen to her and guide her down a healthy path. I’m sorry your wife thinks genuine neglect is healthy. Maybe look into how much power you’d have to get custody now that you’ve adopted your daughter. Your wife doesn’t sound like a good fit to be the parent here.

  46. NTA but tour wife is, your child was depressed and she just ignored it. Good for,you for,getting her therapy.

  47. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  48. NTA - You are the only real parent that girl has right now. Just go to church and pray. I have many not appropriate things to say about that. Sleep on the couch knowing you are doing the right thing and that you are making your daughters life better.

  49. nta for getting your daughter the help she needs. praying at a church may help some people find peace but its no substitute for professional help, your wife is absolutely the ah here.

  50. NTA! Tell her to go to church and pray if she doesn't like it. And since you adopted your daughter you have just as many rights as your wife.

  51. NTA I was very depressed at one point in time combination of things. No motivation energy I really did care about anything. My dad got me into therapy and it really helped. Now years later I still see my therapist but only once a month and I have a job my own apartment and am financially independent. Also an much better terms with most of my family.

  52. NTA. Withholding necessary mental health treatment is abusive and can lead to catastrophic outcomes. You're taking care of your daughter and your wife should be ashamed of herself. Good luck to you and your daughter!

  53. All I can say is thank God she has you looking out for her. Your wife us TAH. As part of my job I talk to kids and adults that tell me their mental health had taken a real bashing this last 2 years. Thank you for listening and acting on her behalf.

  54. NTA - To presume the approach of going to church and pray works for everyone because your wife feels that it works for her is erroneous. Your daughter at age 16 clearly expressed what she thinks will help her, to not listen to that is irresponsible and neglectful on mom's part. You did the right thing OP. Wish your daughter and your family all the best.

  55. Hang in the couch for potentialy saving your doughter’s life. Good for you! Depression ends up in suicide, and you’re preventing it.

  56. with posts like these, i wish people like your wife could read these comments and see how unreasonable and uncaring she seems. she’s putting her daughter in genuine danger and thinks she can just “pray it away”?? not only that but the daughter recognizes something is wrong and WANTS to get better!

  57. Failure to get medical treatment - whether for physical or mental health - falls under child abuse & neglect statutes in nearly every country of the developed world. Source: used to be a CPS investigator.

  58. NTA if your daughter had a broken arm you would seek medical help, this is no different. Your wife is being super selfish.

  59. NTA and you are a good dad, blood-related or not. You are actually paying attention, listening, and responding, whereas your wife seems to be burying her head in the sand, at best, and at worst, mentally and emotionally abusing her daughter. Thank God you are in your daughter's life. That's what your wife should be saying to God when she prays.

  60. NTA. YOUR child needed help and you are the only one who is getting her help. You are her father. If the mom didn’t want to give up her rights as her mom she should have never agreed to marry you and have you adopt her child. Stand your ground and keep taking her to therapy. If you stop it might have a very bad outcome. I am not one for taking sides in a parenting situation but your child needs you on her side. It could be a matter of life or death.

  61. NTA. She doesn't have more authority than you as a 'bio parent' - that's what adoption means. And being a parent means the well-being of your child comes before everything - you did the right thing, as evidence by the fact your daughter is doing better. Stand by your decision, OP, it was the right one.

  62. You did the right thing. When i reached out for help my mother told everyone I was being dramatic. If it wasn’t for my now husband I’d be dead. So keep giving your daughter the help she needs. We need more parents like you. Ones that’ll listen and give help.

  63. NTA. Your wife was neglecting your daughter by refusing to take her mental health seriously. Everything you described is textbook signs of depression. Your daughter needed help to get better, so you got her that help. Exactly as a parent should do.

  64. NTA! Thank you for doing that. If she’s asking for help in the form of therapy, you need to give it to her. Your wife is just creating more anxiety for her by being so critical and preventing her from engaging with others. That has to stop. I know you said she’s into girly things and needs one on one time with her mom, but that’s not the parent being most supportive right now. Engage with her in things the two of you can do! I recall fondly watching movies and playing video games with my dad. Gender doesn’t always need to be involved

  65. NTA You're a parent, you do what's best for your daughter, that's the priority, Your wife seems to be okay with your daughter's downward slide. Her remark about 'go to church and pray' could provide a hint why. Your daughter, if she goes without help, would be vulnerable to indoctrination. The more healthy she is mentally, the less chance anyone can brainwash her.

  66. NTA but your wife sure is. Your daughter has a medical condition and requires treatment. If she had cancer would your wife think it appropriate to tell her to pray that away too?

  67. NTA - this is excellent parenting. Now go schedule a single session with the therapist and ask how to communicate with your wife in a way she will listen. Do some couple sessions if she’s willing or learn how to set effective boundaries if she won’t. I’m rooting for you!

  68. She’s using that Bio-parent card wrong! Thank you for taking care of your daughter, she will always remember this. Enjoy your nights on the couch cz You’re NTA, your wife though😒

  69. My son has depression and my employee assistance counselor told me young people have a tendency to commit suicide. Your wife needs to put aside her assumptions about mental illness and get the facts. Your daughter has depression and needs help. NTA and sleep peacefully on that couch. You are your girl’s hero!

  70. NTA. Your kid is literally crying for help acknowledging and being open about her depression and all the wife says is to go to church and pray? Nah as someone who came from an overly religious family who thought church was the key to every problem, thank you. I wish I had a parent who listened and actually helped and what you did for her will stick with her forever.

  71. NTA All bio parents want, no, NEED the non-bio parent to GIVE A F***. This is YOU, doing just that. It's not out of line, and could ONLY help, not hurt. Try talking with mother openly and honestly about things. Best of luck.

  72. She shirked her job as the bio parent. I talked to a couple in the grocery store on Memorial Day. Line was long. Wife told me that their son committed suicide. They had no idea he was struggling. I think it was therapeutic for them to talk. Helping me to be aware that my children may be hiding their emotions and be more observant. Your daughter is begging for help and your wife turned her back on her. You are NTA and stand your ground.

  73. NTA, praying the depression away works just about as well as praying away the gay. You’re doing a great job as a parent. Legally you’re a parent too. Think about leaving the wife and taking as much custody as you can to protect your daughter

  74. NTA...your wife no longer has any more authority than you when you adopted her 6 years ago. You actually listened to your daughter and are actively helping her. Leave it to your wife and your daughter will spiral even further

  75. OP, it sounds like you & your wife need to also get into some therapy. Your daughter told you that she was struggling with her mental health after all the isolation of the past 2 years and you could literally identify in her behaviour that she was struggling with depression & anxiety. And your wife deliberately chose to make this worse insisting on grounding her, which made your daughter's mental health worse by isolating her from the only people she sees & turning her back on her daughter's cry for help & telling her to pray it away. She also refused to spend more one-on-one time with her daughter. And now she's furious with you for giving your daughter the help she needs even this has caused an already tangible difference in her behaviour.

  76. NTA - You did exactly what you should have as a parent with a youth who has asked for help. If you see progress then never doubt yourself with what you did for her. Fight to ensure she continues to get that help. You're an awesome dad. I hope your wife realizes that soon, for your daughters sake. Seeing your child suffering is so damn hard. Make sure you take care of yourself too.

  77. NTA-Wow just, WOW she asks for help with a therapist and this parenting is horrible like, in danger of child endangerment if the kid goes to the right people. Your the step dad and YOU had to step up to the plate, but her boi mother didn’t even let her get therapy.

  78. This happened to me when I was a teen. Mom didn’t help. I wish I had someone in my family like you to step up, listen, and help. Your daughter will be forever grateful to you- NTA

  79. NTA, but you’re willing to eventually divorce and raise your daughter, right? Don’t know where you live but you’ve adopted her and she’s 16 so her opinion and the facts probably matter more than her shitty mothers bio card

  80. Your daughter is your daughter. Your wife is an asshole for thinking biology gives her more decision-making that you. That's before we get to your wife's assholery with her behaviour and attitude towards the support your child says she needs. Is she just an asshole over everything? NTA - thank God your daughter has one parent with some sense.

  81. Oh my God. NTA. Thank you for having your daughter's back on this; I guarantee you she'll remember that you cared enough to listen and get her help when she needed it.

  82. NTA. My son battles depression and social anxiety. The fact that your daughter actively said "I need help" is a big deal and I am very happy that you listened to her. Keep listening to her because your wife is totally wrong in how she is handling this.

  83. NTA, as a teacher we only now see some of the long term mental effects of covid. We have roughly a third of our kids in therapy or waiting for places. We got more where we think they should go plus unnumbered amount that don‘t show effects (yet). Having your kid in therapy will help her immensely to figure out her mind. Let her keep going. Especially since it helps.

  84. Your wife doesn’t like or is jealous of your daughter…..she’s weird. I’d be happy as hell if she was giving me the silent treatment. I’m so glad you got your daughter help, how dare your wife pull the bio parent card. Slap in the face indeed. NTA

  85. NTA, you are doing exactly what you need to do for your daughter. Her mental health is important. Your wife doesn't have more authority over you simply because she is the bio parent. You adopted her, and she is your daughter too.

  86. Definitely NTA. Your daughter was headed down a dark road. Anxiety and depression are no joke (speaking from experience). Good on you for listening to your daughter's needs, and getting her the help that she needs, deserves and WANTS!! You don't want that to get any worse. It could eventually lead to self-harm, substance abuse and possibly suicide. And by neglecting your daughter's mental health, CYS could have gotten involved. Please have a conversation with your wife about this and show her your Reddit post. Maybe it will help her to realize that what she's doing is wrong.

  87. NTA, your are helping a child. Your child. Keep it up, this is a hill to die on. Your wife is being abusive. It's good odds just from this that of the two of you, only you will have a good lasting relationship with your daughter in ten years.

  88. NTA. Your wife, however, is a giant AH. Sounds like the wife wanted the benefit of having you adopt her daughter, but didn’t want you to have any agency. Frankly, the wife sounds like she needs mental health assistance more than your daughter. As an aside, if she decides to sleep separately then SHE should take the couch. It’s your bed too - get in it and refuse to leave.

  89. NTA. Good for you for stepping up and being a real parent to this girl. You saw she was depressed and anxious. She SAID she was depressed and anxious. --- and you made help happen.

  90. NTA. send your wife to therapy too. my parents were the same way and when i got a mental illness diagnosis they flipped out. i was able to get help but my younger sister is now in a similar boat and can’t go to a therapist and it’s weighing on her. depression is no joke, and it’s painful for the person going through it. especially when your mom is preventing the few things that help from pushing you over the edge.

  91. NTA, AND so proud of you for sticking up for her and getting her the mental health therapy she clearly needed. She sounds like she was spiraling down a path of eventual no return which could have gotten much worse in some perspectives. I'd say stay on the couch and enjoy your peace for the moment and revisit these comments (or show your wife) to remind yourself how you prob saved her daughter (and appreciate that fact).

  92. I gave you gold. You are doing the RIGHT THING and possibly saving her life in the process. Adoption means you take her as your daughter. You are epic and I applaud you for your parenting. NTA AT ALL

  93. I want to say poor wife but that “wife” deserved it! Why is she pissed?! You did the right thing getting her a therapist. You’re NTA!

  94. You’re definitely NTA. Coming from someone who has a shitty dad and a shitty stepdad, you’re fucking awesome. Your wife is the asshole for not listening to your daughter. Thank you for advocating for her mental health and getting her the help that she needed and wanted. Idk why your wife would be upset by it when it’s clearly helping her child and it’s unnecessarily cruel to deny her therapy and depend on “prayer” or whatever to fix how your daughter is feeling. All kids deserve a parent like you, keep on being awesome.

  95. Your wife needs therapy more than the daughter. At first go to the minister with her to tell them what is going on. If they are too "religious" and agree with her; then tell her she needs to go to a therapists or there will be a divorce. Don't tell her you will take the daughter with you, just file for custody. NTA

  96. NTA, church and prayer don't cure mental illness. Your wife is ignorant about mental health. You are doing the right thing for your daughter.

  97. NTA, you are an amazing father!!! Let your wife keep sleeping on the couch! And realize that every time she starts babbling this nonsense, it’s not about you…it’s 100% her own issues. Treat it as if she’s babbling about dragons and unicorns and other nonsensical things…because what she’s saying about you and your daughter are just as deranged!

  98. Sounds like your daughter is doing well and you could use a break from your wife. You are NTA. Your wife, however, is one. She should be willing to put her own wants or beliefs aside for the sake of her child. She allows her daughter to suffer for no reason at all.

  99. NTA. You put the child's welfare over yourself and your wife's ego . For whatever reason ,you wife chose to ignore the clear signs that your daughter was struggling.. Her outrage is also blinding her to the fact that your daughter is improving.. She has doubly the AH

  100. NTA: you absolutely did the right thing. Your wife is definitely the asshole. Denying a teenager help when they are asking for it is negligence if not straight up abuse.

  101. NTA. You became her father, that means you are a parent and you step up. Just because your wife is holding a line of not actually taking care of your guys's kid doesn't mean you have to follow. When the choice becomes be a bad parent so that you are following the lead of the other parent, you not only doing a bad job to your kid you're doing a bad job to yourself because you're presenting to your "partner" that they are a leader not your equal

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