1. There is no reason why he can't do 50/50 and to be honest, 70/30 with you the 30 sometimes. Men can do laundry, men can make appointments, men can cook and clean.

  2. You dont know a thing about him or their dynamic but you're certain theres no reason he cant do 50/50 and even 70/30. Nice lmao this sub is nuts

  3. Been there, done that, amigo. I worked two jobs when our three kids were young and the minute I hit the door, I was all-in cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, bathtime, whatever needed to be done. Even more on weekends because we were a team.

  4. We've collected a list of recommended podcasts from the members of this sub and posted them in this section of this sub's wiki:

  5. I've owned over a dozen drums of various sizes (we're down to just two beautiful congas right now) and yeah, if you're in full continuous drum solo mode for an hour or two it's a lot of work on your arms (mostly forearms) only. But I wouldn't consider it to be cardio and there's nothing to talk about with your feet or your belly, exercise-wise. Marching while playing a continuous cadence is a lot of work, but that's not what he'll be doing.

  6. That’s what I fear will happen. 😅 If it comes to this, we will probably sell it… or this gave me an idea… maybe we should buy a used one… and if he really enjoys it, then we can get a new one. Thanks for the advise!

  7. Oh hell yeah - go get used drums at a pawn shop. No need to buy new ones at all.

  8. It's the 21st century. The proposal has already happened--you did it. Set a date to have the wedding.

  9. Kids sizing after the “months” sizing is difficult. Shoes are a complete mystery to me.

  10. And whatever size they label them? Never even close to reality. You've got your 18 month kid in 2T a 2-year-old wearing 3T...

  11. We do recommend learning new skills, becoming better and growing together. We have

  12. Him agreeing to counseling was a huge step for him and a definite vote in favor of working together to fix things which is really all I’m holding on to right now. However, our counselor gave us some homework to look over pictures from the last six years and really reflect on how much we’ve been through and how much we care about each other and the first time I brought out a photo album we got to a beautiful few shots of us on a sailboat for his 40th and he just looked down and said “where did it all go so wrong?” That comment definitely hurt and made me feel like he’s just going through the motions of “fixing” so if I do throw in the towel he can say he did everything he could…

  13. The thing is, for counseling to work, he has to have an attitude of learning new skills and putting them to work. In your last post he was basically saying, "tell me what to do and I'll do it" which entirely misses the point. If he's not willing to put in the real effort, it can't go anywhere. And what's nuts about it is, doing these things is incredibly easy and also a lot of fun.

  14. We've lived in 8 very different cities in 4 very different states and everywhere we landed, we made it home. We became locals, we attend local events, we eat local foods, we normalize ourselves as locals. We've loved it each time: desert, forests, plains and now the coast.

  15. His bills/her bills--this is roommates and not a family.

  16. Marriage law is always locally governed so it really depends on where you are located, which you didn't tell us. Alternatively, you can also go somewhere else and get married; again under the local law there. Once married, it's honored worldwide.

  17. It's kinda like he's checked out of the marriage. It's certainly not a healthy marriage.

  18. Are you really sure you want to marry into this? It won't change after the wedding.

  19. These people are here to talk with you and help you:

  20. You didn't give us a lot of details, but it kinda sounds like you're thinking like roommates and not family.

  21. I think you need to find a way to forgive her for the shaming and name calling in the past. Not for her, but for you. And not kinda sorta forgiven, but forgiven and put away.

  22. This is where you are. What do you want to do going forward?

  23. I would be happy to make changes if 1.) I knew what changes to make and 2.) I knew it was going to be worth the effort. I’m not happy right now so I’m not motivated to put in all this work for a shitty relationship. If it’s going to look exactly the same after I’ve tried all this shit then I don’t want to do it. And I’m saying that because it’s happened a bunch of times already so I just don’t have it in me to do it again

  24. And it sounds like he doesn't grasp the concepts of him learning, changing and improving for you and the relationship.

  25. We had three kids. My take is fuhgeddaboudit.

  26. My parents were so wrapped up in their own selfish dramas that us kids were pretty neglected in a variety of ways. We grew up and lead quiet productive lives now. Once grandkids came along my parents became desperate to inject themselves. I believe this is because they see the grandkids as do over babies. But you don’t get to do this over. You get one chance.

  27. Yes, you get once as parents, but we do enjoy time with our grandchildren now; sometimes giving our kids a break.

  28. Screen addiction is a real problem seen every day in this sub. It's what the

  29. We have a good list of known marriage apps in this sub's wiki:

  30. Real businesses don't run on a whim or a dream. Have her work out a complete pro forma cash flow statement complete with cost of goods sold, realistic estimates of number of items sold and all costs such as gasoline, packaging, etc. and do all of the math. And this $10 grand is for what? The balance sheet must be done too.

  31. Removing this thread since you reposted a more active thread.

  32. Engineering department checking in here. We're gonna say this is okay. We find scooping both horizontally and vertically to be acceptable.

  33. My wife would've told me I stink to high heaven and to take a shower.

  34. Thank you! I've brought up counseling before and he says he's ok with it and then we go and things are great for a little while (a week at most) and then all of a sudden it's back to ignoring me. I'm just getting to the point of "why try anymore"

  35. That's a shame. At work they demand that we learn new skills every year and we do it. We need the same attitude at home where we change, improve and stay that way forever--not for a week.

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