1. Yes, you are perfectly reasonable in getting upset at your mother's blatant disrespect for you and for her attempt at boundary stomping. No, do NOT let her plan anything. That is YOUR child, not hers. She had children and got to do their birthday parties. This is YOUR time now. If you let her steal these firsts from you, you will never get them back. You will regret and resent this. What else will she expect to steal from you?

  2. Yeah, I am agrama and honestly I dislike planning parties. I didn't like to do them for my son, I did until teen years, but I let my son and DIL plan the parties. Also the other grama loves to do parties so all I have to do is show up, give the kids lots of love and can leave whenever I want. That being said, even if I loved doing parties I would not take those firsts away from the parents, they deserve the firsts since I already had them.

  3. You saying she would rather spend time with just baby and not have you around is a scary statement. The fact that you say she doesn't like you but wantsbaby raises some 🚩🚩.

  4. I would try to change the venue. Go to a park or something like that that won't cost you alot of money and be sure she doesn't find out the new lication. If she shows upat first place no one will be there. And get a doorbell camera or other camera system to watch over your home.

  5. I’ve always been considered plus sized, even at my lowest weight (16y/o, 5’9 & 168lbs), my hips were still a size 16. I have super wide hips and a fat ass, it can’t be helped.

  6. I to had a man who loved me at my biggest. He always complained I didn't eat enough because prior to him I had wt loss surgery. I had lost over 100 lbs but gained some back after I became housebound after some failed surgeries. It was impossible to eat large portions but he tried to get me too anyway. He loved me no matter my size, I was between 150 and 220 during our time together while he was 135 lbs at 5'9.

  7. Your MIL has issues that you cannot fix. She is calling you racial slurs as well as other names. Unless she is willing to attend therapy and AA I don't see much of a future with her. If your SO cannot stand up for you and is unwilling to go to therapy with you, you need to think how much this relationship means to you. Your best option at this time really sounds like you should go NC with MIL until major changes are made on her part.

  8. I just wouldn't send or say anything at all. Don't spend good energy on bad.

  9. I agree don't send any more pictures of DS. If she even thinks to ask why just tell her you didn't think she wanted any since she had commented that the pictures were not very good. It's doubtful that she would say anything though.

  10. They need to bring it up because he needs to see his mother can be dangerous. She has stated that anyone can take a baby away from it's mom, to me shows she is thinking about it in some way. Also not wanting to use carseat and hold baby in car is also dangerous. Until DH sees these and all your other reasons I agree that OP should not allow baby and MIL to have any interactions.

  11. OP this is soo common. It happen to me very similar and I read a few similar posts as well. I will tell you: we have now 1 yr twins but my MIL came before I gave birth and stayed 3 months. It was hell for me. husband and I did couples therapy, and continue to work on our own. When husband calls his mum I am not even present in the room (because I may hear something stupid about me or the kids and I may reply). This has worked well so far. Because they live away we don’t see them much. When they come visit are short stays and I “book a spa” and go to sleep at a fiends house for one night. I try to keep my mouth shut. I trust my husband will put the boundaries when she interacts with the babies because we discuss this several times and got drawn some conclusions about safety etc). Basically I keep a good distance while still being cordial. Things are better this way. Good luck!

  12. You shouldn't have to leave your home even for a night. They should not take your safe place away from you. All meets should be in a neutral place and they need to stay in a hotel.

  13. So glad to hear the wedding went off relatively without trouble. You and DH are a good team so just keep being you. You guys know your limits and eventually the JN's will also know your limits. I wish you happiness and a low drama future.

  14. You should consider a FU binder if she does not leave you alone. If she starts showing up more, calling or hassling you on SM then a FU binder will allow you to keep all the documentation in one place. The sub

  15. You guys are doing great. Keep communicating with each other the way you have been and you will do well. Enjoy all the children you have no matter how you have them. There is no difference between natural, c-section, or adoption because they all get you your child. Remember no matter what it is YOUR child.

  16. I’m going to go sideways on this and talk about snoring. It is likely that your grandfather has sleep apnea. That means that he stops breathing several times during the night and the noise of his snoring is the resetting of his breathing. This makes heart disease, diabetes, glaucoma, and many other conditions worse and shortens life. I am not a doctor, but I have sleep apnea as does my spouse.

  17. I agree that the bigger issue is the snoring since that is the cause if the bed shuffle. I am a snorer. I had wt loss surgery but didn't solve that problem. A sleep study was done in my home, in my own bed. Not all of them need to be done in a sleep center. I have sleep apnea and use a c-pap. There are many types of headgear to find the best fit for each person. Grandpa should get tested, he might find he sleeps better and feel so much more rested! I was always tired before, now I am so much better rested even when sleeping fewer hours.

  18. Fear, obligation, guilt. Basically what a JNMOM has instilled into their child to the point when the child becomes an adult they are unable to stand against their JNMom. Psychologically they are trained so that they are so afraid because the guilt is laid on them if they say no, or they are afraid of the anger that may explode from JNMom, or they they have no choice, obligation, but to do what they ate told. It is VERY hard to break out of the FOG and almost impossible without lots of therapy.

  19. Op stick with the tablet rule. I unfortunately have overdone it with devices and I'm seeing the outcome with my 6yo being too attached. We've been slowly weaning him off, moving to timed screen time etc

  20. I totally agree. Both of my grandkids are addicted to their tablets. When they are here we try to limit or not allow them to be used but at home they use the tablet as the sitter instead of doing things sith them. I am disabled so some days yes they use them when I can't be active due to pain but other times I try snd get them out of the house or doing orher things in the house if unabke to be outside due to weather.

  21. Ok, time to sit up, make a plan and do your best to follow it.

  22. What gets me is that she KNOWS they are protecting LO FROM her and doesn't think to ask why! If you know maybe look into why they feel that way and change.

  23. I just don't get the delivery room thing. I have sons. If they have kids someday, I'll be waiting to help in any way possible, but I don't WANT to be in a delivery room!

  24. My son and DIL had 2 kids and I definitely wasn't and didn't want to be in the room! That is their time and no one else's. OPs MIL is just a psychotic person.

  25. Since she is using your dtrs name with her pictures out there to sell stuff, against your express wishes, you should consider talking to an attorney to find out what your rights are in this situation. To have her name with photo is terrifying to me. I would never pist my grandsons pictures if their parents said not to. Wven though they are ok with it I still rarely do so just because there is scary stuff out there.

  26. Definitely talk to your husband, come up with a plan together, and approach your JNSMIL. If she pushes back, keep repeating yourself. If she keeps on, report her to Facebook, YouTube, wherever your DD’s pictures are. If she STILL doesn’t stop, I would tell her you’re going to call the police. That may be dramatic, but it’ll sure as shit scare her each time you move up a step. This is your baby and no one should have access to her without your control until she’s old enough to make those decisions for herself. Good luck and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. ❤️

  27. The fact that she is also using her dtrs name is terrifying! What is she setting her up for in the future because of stranger danger. Once those pictures are out there they never go away. Since JNSMIL cannot seem to grasp reality and is giving the famy the finger by using the photos NC is absolutely something to consider. Because she is using the pics to sell stuff OP really needs to consider contacting an attorney to find out her rights in this regard.

  28. You get my free award!!!! Excellent post! It’s crazy the length these justnos will go to, honestly crazy isn’t the right word for it. Scary, unbelievable, insane, psychotic, etc. And unfortunately some of them WIN 🤬🤬🤬 There’s a poster in this sub whos JNILS got grandparents visitation (overnight, summers, etc!!! in a different state!!!) after they defended and HID EVIDENCE for their pedophile son! I couldn’t believe a judge would do that! They should’ve been arrested and prosecuted, instead the judge gave them unfettered interstate access to their young grandchild 🤬🤬🤬 despite the child’s therapist even saying that it was not in the child’s best interest to see or visit them. I strongly believe that family court is full of biased judges who rule, not on the law, but on their personal experiences and opinions. I’m not sure if it’s actually law, but from personal experience I KNOW that opinions (NOT FACTS, with evidence to back it up!) and heresay is sometimes allowed in family court. It makes me very angry, and it’s ultimately usually detrimental to the child. If you’ve got to LIE in court to get what you want, it’s usually not best for children involved.

  29. I agree 100% I too habe seen that family court plays fast and loise with the law. If you have money you can win even when you gave admitted in court that you SA your child, still get overnights wirh them! The fight goes on but money and older judges with grandkids want to see families have time even when it is not in the best interest of the children!

  30. Agreed. Many times my DIL will say give nana hugs and kisses before we go but if they just walk away I always tell her to let it go. I never force it because I hated being forced when I was a kid. The grands are old enough to decide if they want to or not. Usually they come up to me multiple times during the day when I watch them just saying I love you nan. Forcing it is traumatizing and there is no need as long as they know you love them no matter what.

  31. Stick by your SO and follow his lead. If he wants NC then you definitely don't want to go behind his back and take the kids to see her. They should never be around an abusive relationship because you don't want them to think it's ok. You are doing all the right things. If you go to the

  32. Number 1 why would I care if 1000 years from now they determine I am a man I'm already dead so I don't care about it

  33. People have felt misgendered since the beginning but it hasn't been until recently that people have had the ability to do something about it. It used to be kept in the closet or cross-dressing behind closed doors. It is not a "new fad" as some say. You be you, let the haters hate and just be true to yourself. Good luck in whatever you decide.

  34. The first part of his name says it all - critical - is why. They never heard if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing.

  35. I did that for showers one time for like a week - heated a big pot on the stove, took it into the shower cabinet, and dumped it on my head little by little. It was barely even an inconvenience. I knew some folks growing up who lived in a house way out in the country with no shower, so they just used a big bucket of warm water from the stove and a ladle. It was never a problem. We city folk are spoiled rotten.

  36. I had no running water and an outhouse when I lived with my dad. Full baths once a week and sponge baths the rest unless it rained. Sheetmetal roof, put on bathing suit and get a cold shower if it rained hard enough. Going to a hotel is unreasonable.

  37. OMG 😳- I'm living in the twilight zone!! We have a puppy named Athena, aka Booger who just turned 1 yr on 7/21/22. Long story short all our dogs are named some sort of mythology background.

  38. I never thought about the sign like that! You make a great point that I will definitely use the next time I get a dog. Can't have one right now due to circumstances but want to get one when able to.

  39. Not sure what to do about the inlaws but my gut reaction is you need to replace your birth control. Ive seen way to many baby rabied "grandmother's" faulter with birth control. Probably best to replace them every time she visits.

  40. Although this is mandatory a better option is to not allow them in the house again! They can stay elsewhere if they want to visit and always meet at a neutral site. My house is my safe spot, they have the ability to make me feel unsafe, uncomfortable so they don't get to come and make me no longer have a safe spot. At least that is how I feel about it.

  41. I would let your husband deal with her, TBH. Nothing you say about the issues will be taken to heart and I’d hate for you to expend more energy.

  42. This is very good advice. Allowing her husband to be the speaker is probably the only possible way MIL would listen, though I doubt that she will take anything he says to heart. Definitely they need to stay at a hotel or air b&b I wouldn't allow them in my house again, only meet at a neutral site. An apology is not negotiable but I think even if MIL gave one it wouldn't be sincere. I am glad OPs husband is on her side because we see way to many who don't stick up for their wives on here.

  43. Both my grandsons are lactose intolerant and that is bad enough if they drink regular milk. If it was an actual allergy you can bet I would be scouring every label to make sure it was ok for them before I gave them anything. I am also intolerant so I understand how it can make you feel. There is no way I would purposely put my grandsons into that situation. For JNMIL to do that shows she has no intention of ever doing anything you say. It also shows she will be saying things to your daughter as she gets older to manipulate her. I think the younger son went NC for a very good reason that he has not shared with the family.

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