1. NTA - but this doesn’t make sense… is her OB 1.5 hours away?? In general the OB that she’s been seeing wouldn’t have privileges at a hospital that far away. What happens if she goes into preterm labor? If it happens quick, she will need to go to a local hospital and not drive 1.5 hours to get to the ER… She may be stuck in the hospital for a few weeks far from her husband and home…. Her records are going to be at the 1.5 hour hospital, not the local hospital if she has complications after she gets home and needs to go to the ER.

  2. She is not going to change, just like leopards can’t change their spots and tigers can’t change their stripes… she is who she is.

  3. ESH - you, your wife, and x,y are in a different period of your life than z. Once you have kids, especially little ones, you don’t leave them for 5 days for a vacation because it is traumatic for them. They are used to being with mom and dad, and suddenly you are shipping them off to a babysitter for 5 days while you guys enjoy a vacation.

  4. The whole reason this happened was because I didn’t want to leave my young kid alone at home. I would never leave him alone so young, let alone for 5 days.

  5. Exactly! I agree with you and your thought process.

  6. NTA - boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are a gray area. What you describe of not financially supporting each other, living separately, defines your relationship as two single people dating. That is a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but it has more charaCheri sticks of being single than being a couple.

  7. NTA - but it is your BFs responsibility to manage his parents. So when his dad asked you for your phone number, your BF should have said, no dad, you have my number.

  8. NTA - His mother is a full grown adult. He is not responsible for her happiness and well being.

  9. Absolutely!! My mom used to do it with a look… she also did it with the way she notified of an event. there was no option to say sorry, busy… it was said like a fact.

  10. I Am a widow, I was widowed when our son was in his early teens.

  11. Your post helped me so much. I've lost my mom last year and my dad turned into this ugly cry baby who wants me to take care of him. A grown ass man. I was firm with him but he still keeps persisting and trying to guilt trip me into seeing him more. (We text every day, call and talk on the weekend and see each other once a month. For comparison before mom passed away he'd call me 5 times a year - once to wish me a happy birthday and the rest was to complain about my mom or to ask me to do something for him). He wouldn't allow me to grieve, or to have any time to myself, he demanded we talk 7 times a day at least and meet up at least twice a week... It was so hard for me. Now it's a bit easier because I stood my ground but he still refuses to grow up and do things by himself. He doesn't want a hobby or a job (he's retired but he's bored out of his mind) he wants to be entertained by people (he loves to go to people's houses and hang out). I can't help him because he doesn't want to be helped but I am not going to let him destroy me so he feels entertained.

  12. Happy to help. You are not your dad’s emotional support animal. It Is on him, and if he doesn’t want to do what he needs to do to build out more friends and a new chapter, thats on him to be a lonely bitter old man.

  13. Thank you so much for yet another lovely comment! 🌻 Unfortunately, he's a difficult man so he doesn't have any guy friends he hangs out with. He harasses his neighbors and family friends and he stops by at their place for coffee. That's all he cares about. I wanted to organize a half time job for him (as an extra on set for commercials, tv shows, movies, etc) but he refused. It's good money too, free food, he'd meet people. My partner's retired parents do this. He dismissed the idea every time I brought it up. I suggested he becomes a member or the pensioner's club. Refused. I suggested hobbies. No. Swimming at the local pool (indoor). No. All he wants to do is drink coffee and chat with people at their home. That's all he does and all he cares about. In my country we don't have bars like you are describing, we have restaurants or pubs but the pubs only serve alcohol, no food. The restaurants are table service restaurants so he can't meet people, and he doesn't want to meet anyone anyway. He likes to travel but we've noticed a pattern... He only travels when I make my own vacation \ travel plans, like he is competing with me... Not sure what that's about. But you are right, I am not his emotional support animal. I tried to be there but it's not leading anywhere good for either of us. If i hadn't been firm he'd be stuck at home so now at least he's paying his own bills (there was a huge drama over that as he expected ne to pay his bills for him with his money instead of doing that himself) and now he travels from time to time... He's doing better than last year but he has no idea how hard he's made my life and he probably never will... I'm sorry for dumping all of this here, it's kind of unrelated, but thank you for your kind comments. You rock! It's great how you turned your life around and became so independent!

  14. Got it! well you have done a huge amount of work to provide him with opportunities. He is choosing to not do any of them. This is his choice.

  15. How does he know how you are parenting your son??? I suspect that he knows because your husband or you are giving him too much information. He doesn’t need to know how you are parenting, and you shouldn’t tell him what you are doing. When you tell him, that invites him to give an opinion. He isn’t the parent so you don’t need his opinions.

  16. MIL is an adult, FIL is an adult. They are responsible For their own happiness and well being.

  17. Forgive and forget only works when it is a two way street with normal people. You do something wrong, someone gets hurt, you apologize And make amends, and they forgive you. People never forget, but when there is an apology for the bad conduct and they make amends for the bad conduct, then the incident can fade into the background.

  18. NTA - i Would suggest that you need to change how you look at this.

  19. I would suggest you adopt a southern lady style… southern ladies are dumb like a fox.

  20. You and your partner and your MIL is confusing grandparenting with child care.

  21. You should give your ex husband the info so that he knows the truth.

  22. Love is only one element of a healthy about to be married relationship. You need all of the elements for the relationship to be successful.

  23. NTA - this situation has crossed some boundaries… why is he concerned that you had a date??? If he is just using your place to crash after he got evicted, why would he care?? Why would he care on getting “pawned off”???

  24. NTA - you are married, yet when it comes to finances, you both act like you are single…

  25. Your husband doesn’t owe her for raising him. He was a minor child and didn’t get to choose.

  26. When you married your wife, you became partners with her. You are each half of the couple. You vowed to put her first… each of you vowed to support each other.

  27. So, I guess your ex and his mother never took high school biology???

  28. NTA - for 20 years, we spent Mother’s Day with his mother… it was her day and never my day, I hosted every year… my husband always worried and thought about spending Mother’s Day with his mother. He was never concerned with making sure I got to spend it with mine or I got be treated like a queen to celebrate me being the mother of his child. then my husband died, my son is grown and lives in another state. On Mother’s Day, I do hear from my son and he always sends me something, but I regret spending all those years celebrating somebody else wishing my husband had just once in a while spent the day with me and our son making it special for me…

  29. She didn’t get the memo that raising children is a temp job with a termination date of her minor child becoming a legal adult, moving out, and getting married.

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